Do Pastors and their Congregations start to look like each other? I think so. And obviously, this can become unfortunate!

Most pastors that I know WANT to be leaders, but do NOT want to lay claim to just how much THEIR personality and style influences that of the congregation. Indeed, the congregation DEPENDS on and is led by the pastor’s style and personality, whether they like it or not, for better, and often for worse.

Most pastors want to be thought of as pastoral & spiritual leaders. They don’t want people paying close attention to their personal moods, body language, and tone. But we do! Why? Because it’s the way we humans are built.

It is in the nature of all groups to take their “cue” from their leader. Paul understood this. That’s why he had so much advice for Timothy and called leaders to a higher standard of behavior. Jesus understood it.  Do you or your Pastor get it?

That pastors and congregation start to look alike is no fluke, it’s natural, and scientists have described the BIOLOGICAL FORCES at work: Synchrony and Affinity.

1. Synchrony

Synchrony is the scientific name given to contagious laughter and yawning. Synchrony is when one person’s clapping leads to a room full of applause. Synchrony is when one person’s tears makes another person cry. Synchrony is when we subtley adjust our body position to mimick another. Synchrony is biological. It’s coded in our genes. In fact, it’s a behavior shared throughout the animal kingdom.

Recently, scientists have describe “synchrony” as a form of “empathy.”  It’s a personal type of communication through which we say, “I understand you and I’m with you.”  It’s one of the many ways we connect with one another. The evolution of synchrony throughout the animal kingdom demonstrates that synchrony is a survival behavior as well.  Synchrony is a good thing, especially if you take advantage of it in a good way. A caring & warm pastor will usually rub off on the congregation, as will a dysfunctional one. 

Another way to put this is that congregations “tune” themselves to the pastor’s note.  And if the pastor’s note is dischordant, the congregation will (eventually) likely be as well. (You knew that! And now you know the science behind it.)

2. “Natural Affinity”
(a.k.a. “Birds of a Feather Flock Together”)

Contrary to what your mother told you, opposites do not usually attract. An overwhelming amount of anecdotal and scientific evidence indicates that we feel most comfortable in groups of people like ourselves.  The scientist call this “affinity.” This instinct for affinity is what’s at the root of tribalism, race, where we choose to live, who we choose as our friends, and spouses.

Congregational programming is a good example of this natural desire for affinity:  small group ministries, Sunday School classes, mothers-day out, Al-anon, senior groups, women’s groups, choirs youth groups, young adult groups, etc etc etc.  The problem is when churches and pastors do things that DERAIL affinity groups. Those who have a strong desire for affinity will go elsewhere. Those with a weak desire for filling their “affinity need” through the church, won’t care about church programming that much.

One problem with “affinity” in the church is that if you don’t nurture it, you don’t get it, -and eventually you end up with a congregation full of people with low expectations. Another problem is when the PASTOR has a low need for affinity. I’ve seen this up close and personal in two churches: the pastor act like a wallflower in many settings outside the sanctuary.  This obviously has short-term consequence, but long term as well as the natural instinct for “synchrony” means that a wallflower pastor can often encourage apathetic “wallflowerish” behavior (affinity) within the congregation.  (Almost invariably you hear this being expressed by visitors and members as “is church friendly, or not friendly?”) 

A corollary of “Birds of a Feather” can be seen in the Sunday morning sanctuary where people tend to sit in the same location every Sunday, year after year. We are creatures of habit. And those habits shape us, and comfort us. And churches depend on them, indeed, ENCOURAGE them. Churches depend on the habit of giving, and the habit of getting up on Sunday morning.  The problem comes when give people a reason to BREAK those habits, such as sliding away from church, and they’ll fill naturally the spot vacated by their old habit with a new one. 

I’ve often wondered why the parents of teenagers were the least likely to belong to an “affinity group” or attend fellowship events. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to understand the reason:  the older we get the more likely people are to have established affinities OUTSIDE of the church.  And once our kids were no longer part of an affinity group, the greater the tendency is to become “merely” a worship attender. Part of the church’s response is to pull those middle-aged adults into positions of leadership. We put them on finance and mission committees. Problem is, those are hardly faith-stimulating affinity groups. “If I were starting my ministry over” I would focus on solving the problem of middle-age affinity groups, -and they would function and look different than my young adult group.

Synchrony…Part II

Synchrony is why Jimmy Swaggert cries. It’s why Rod Parsley yells and  jumps around. They understand that emotions are infectious.  But synchrony is how a room full of worshippers can all start to become restless, or ready to jump out of their seats. Synchrony is why even children know to sit still during prayers. They are born with a “group sense.”

Synchrony is how HUMOR in a sermon, or passion, or a compelling story can seem to grab the entire room.  In comedy shows, the comedian often hires a “shill” to help the audience laugh. In some churches, the deacons sit up front and shout “Amen”.

I’m not suggesting you do install shills in the front pew!  …but YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN SHILL, pastor!  Loosen up! Laugh, smile, get giddy, sway, move around, …in other words, quit being a stiff when you’re in front of people,  -and synchrony will help everyone feel more connected.

When Synchrony and Affinity Collide:

Imagine a pastor delivering a sermon in a dull tone and stiff body language.  They “lose the room” as entertainers would say. —And they drive off those who don’t feel an affinity with the pastor, leaving birds behind who don’t mind the pastor’s dull and stiff personae. 

You can actually see this in a lot of churches…  a difficult pastorate creates a faithful remnant that has become acclimated (or at least “apathetic” about) the reality and consequences of the pastor’s style. I once belonged to such a church. It was disheartening. It wasn’t dramatic, but over time, it created a sense of frustration, and some people quiety faded away or left.

Synchrony is infectious, –which can be a powerful force for good, but it can work against a congregation if the infection is apathy or conflict. Apathetic “birds of a feather” will continue to flock together, even as their numbers shrink.

#1 Suggestion:

Pay attention to the pastor’s personality, energy, charimsa, body language, etc, BEFORE you hire them. Talk to as many people as you can who know the pastor but are NOT on their official ‘references’ list.  Go view them in action and quietly talk to members of their congregation.   No, this is not “polite” …but hiring the wrong person is even less polite.

You should also take notice of the pastor’s “demeanor” when they are into their pastorate. People change. Sometimes pastor’s get under great stress or go through depression… just like real people!  But because of their position of leadership and visibility –and the natural forces of synchrony and affinity, the pastor’s problems can affect the entire congregation.

Other Suggestions:

Get Feedback and Evaluate Worship on a regular basis. Seems obvious, but most churches don’t do it. Many Worship Committees are reticent to criticize the pastor’s leadership.  Create a tool that invites anonymous feedback from time to time.

No more “Pastor Fizzler” !  Insist that staff continue to develop their “people and presentation skills.”  There are plenty of seminars, books and “coaches.” Businesses make use of them. Talk to a business teacher at your local school.  Make it part of every staff person’s job description and evaluation.

Hire a “presentation trainer” to help the pastor do a better job of leading worship and teaching. There are many such experts around, check your local college.

Have many leaders.  Don’t have the pastor at center-stage in every event.

Bring in outside preachers from time to time, and not just when the pastor is on vacation. A pastor can learn knew tricks from other preachers.

Experiment with various styles and formats of worship. Bring freshness and creativity to people’s experience as well as your own.

Harness the power of synchrony in worship by being a “worship leader instead of reader.” Look for ways to personally connect through your body language, movement, tone, and position. In the old days, they called this “charisma.”   See my other blog post on this subject at http://sundayresources.net/neil/2008/07/09/the-view-from-the-pew-what-every-pastor-needs-to-know/

Bill Easum, the respected church consultant, once said that churches should hire worship leaders –people who are GOOD at being up front and focused on the experience of worship and not just the message (though of course, the experience is part of the message!), –rather than first hiring a youth pastor. Not every preacher is good at worship “leadership” …building a sense of synchrony and affinity. Gifted worship leaders intuitively understand the needs of synchrony and affinity.

Create more affinity groups within your congregation. They don’t have to be permanent or monthly.  (A church I know of organized a “Men and Their Tools” group. They did some service projects together, and invited local craftsmen to come teach them the finer points of things like plumbing and show off new tools.)

Don’t SQUASH spontaneous synchronous actions, such as, “clapping.”  In some churches clapping is considered “unseemly.”  What a dumb opinion. It also sends the message that how you feel in worship (expressing your joy by clapping) is not welcome.

Hope this helps the discussion wherever you’re at.