Seems harmless. But to many of us coming in the door, it comes across as passive aggressive, -judgmental. “Missed you last Sunday” sounds a lot like, “You should have been here.”

Worse, it sounds too much like our mother saying, “Where were you last night?” And indeed, some pastors and parishioners I’ve met mean it exactly like that. They didn’t really miss you. They want to know why you weren’t there. And even if they don’t, that’s what it makes you feel like. …and nobody likes that feeling.

I accept that some pastors say “Missed you” without even thinking about it, and probably without any twinge of judgementalism. But the effect is often the same: you feel judged.  So I offer this advice: 

There are some things a pastor SHOULDN’T SAY,
….and “Missed you last Sunday” is one of them.

The problem isn’t just with the pastor. Well-meaning (?) CHURCH members often say the same thing, only they’ll come right out and say, “Where were you?”  In fact, in every church there seems to be one person who excels at it, and I know exactly who it is at my church (and indeed, when I was on staff, it was regrettably sometimes me).

I find it interesting that even when I have a “good” excuse –I still feel a bit defensive and guilty when someone “misses” me. And no, that’s not just me, ask around. (Update: an hour after I posted this someone emailed and said “me too!”)

About the only two “good” excuses people seem to accept are: “I was out of town,” and “I wasn’t feeling well.” God-forbid I slept in, or overslept, or went diving, or went out to breakfast, or went to watch my kid play in a soccer tournament.

Funny thing is, if I say, “I wasn’t feeling well”, they understand. But if I say, “I’ve been tired and needed to sleep in”, or, “my daughter and I wanted to go diving and it was her only day off,” then I’m probably in for  a “must be nice” response.

Okay, some of those excuses are probably not “good” excuses, but choosing to occasionally do something different than going to church is not a “bad” excuse either. In fact, I hate the fact that I’m even using the word “excuse” here. Attendance is not a measure of godliness. (See my “thought” question at the end for more on this).

Aside: When I was a church staff minister, I wasn’t fully aware and paid little attention to the SUBTLE POWER I had to CONVEY GUILT.  And since leaving the pulpit to reside in the pew, I’ve come to appreciate how MY attendance not voluntary, but PAID FOR. For 20 years it wasn’t an option to NOT be there, except when I was on vacation. Now that I’m a pastor in the pew, volunteering on staff (while running my CE software company during the week), I have a REAL CHOICE not to go to church. It was an eye-opener for sure, and there are many other posts in this blog about WHAT ELSE I’ve learned.

I know from experience that many people feel the same way I do about this subject. And if REGULAR MEMBERS feel this way, imagine how the “irregular” members feel when we ask them where they’ve been?  (in our subtle ways, of course).  In fact, with our irregular members, “Missed You” could be doing more harm than good.

Why? Because nobody likes to feel guilty or judged, …even if you didn’t intend to make them feel that way.

Guilt often backfires, especially among those of us reared under “Grace” instead of “Damnation”. We don’t equate NOT being there with lack of faith. Problem is, we still feel guilty about it.  (Such is life.)

So my point is, DON’T HELP US by making us feel MORE guilty. Rather, LISTEN to what we’re saying to you. Listen to how we spent our time, or what we felt our needs were, and respond to those.

____

I’m especially concerned about how we unwittingly GUILT the kids and teens…

Years ago, I had this conversation with one of the teens at our church. Only later did I realize how it had affected her, and what a missed opportunity it was for me as her minister.

Amy: (slinking in another door to enter the Sanctuary)

Neil:  Hi Amy, Can you come to Youth Group tonight? (he said walking towards her)

Amy: No, sorry, I’m running tonight.

Neil:  (not listening) Oh, well, we miss you in youth group. We’re playing volleyball tonight.

Amy: Sounds like fun. I feel awful about not being able to come.

Neil: Well, maybe next Sunday.

Amy:  (Cringing)  Oh, sorry, I can’t make that either, I’m so sorry Neil!  (Amy goes into Worship.)

The following week I found out that Amy was in the state track meet and won first place in the mile. Sunday night was training, and the following Sunday was the meet.
What I should have done and said was affirm her, ….and brought the youth group to see her!  But all I did was end up with a kid who avoided me most Sundays, because nobody likes to feel like a slacker.

___________________________________________
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
How many of your members feel guilty about not attending sometimes?

What will they tell you are the subtle ways the church/pastor “makes them” feel this way?

What are some better ways to inquire about people’s lives without sounding like “missed you last Sunday?”

____________________________________________

Advertisement: I made a software game about “The Importance of Going to Church.” It’s called, Attack of the Sunday School Zombies CD, www.sundaysoftware.com/zombies, and deals with the ‘excuses’ some people make for not going, and the poor attitude some people bring with when they DO go! (How funny is that?)

Having led many “Pastoral Prayers” over the years in several churches, I think it’s one of the most CHALLENGING parts of worship, and one that need improvement. Honestly, I never felt quite comfortable delivering it because I didn’t have a really good “Holy Joe” voice. I’ve always felt that prayer was something more personal, and less “speechy.”  And as a “pastor in the pew” I’ve listened with some inside experience to a lot of other pastor’s Pastoral Prayers.

Having come at it from both directions, and tried many tweaks, I offer these insights and suggestions with the hope of stimulating your own.

Here are  8 “problems” with the Pastoral Prayer and the Pastor who delivers them, and suggestions for change.

1. The Audacity of thinking one person or one prayer can pray for a whole group of people, and meet their needs.

I’ve often mentioned this “audacity” to congregations, both before and during the prayer, and occasionally in a sermon. This helps them (and me) with our expectations, and gives permission to change. Many have a rigid idea of the correct form of the prayer.  I’ve told them some of the things on my mind, and let them know if I was going to leave space for their silent prayers (such a concept!).  I’ve mentioned to them that when I pause, it’s not because I’ve lost my place, but because I’m leaving space for their thoughts. They like that.

In particular, I’ve found it helpful expand on ideas such as, “Lord, how should we speak to you?” “How can we pretend to speak when we have failed to listen?”  “What words suffice when our hearts are heavy with…”

One of the most well-received forms I’ve used is what I call “The Pause Prayer.” I tell the congregation that I’m going to introduce an idea, and then CUE them to pause to let them think about it in their own prayer, then after 10 seconds, move on saying “Lord, hear our prayer.” I’m sure you’ve experienced some form of this prayer.

Sometimes you see these “Pause Prayers” written in the program as litanies.  I’m not a huge fan of litanies, because reading doesn’t feel like praying. Too many litanies sound like sermons, or worse, –the prayer writer’s attempt to impress people with their Holy Joe skills. Even litanies with space for silent prayer often leave people looking at the printed text and wondering when the pastor is going to start up again.

(Note to pastors: When you put us “in the mello mood of silent prayer, don’t burst-in over the microphone with a loud voice. SOFTLY cue us back into listening.)

2. The TUG between the “Holy Joe” language of public prayer-leading versus the heart-felt ramblings of personal prayer.

From time to time I have written out the prayer using no “Holy” words, instead using common language to express the same idea. It has taught me to keep it real. It sounds more authentic and makes prayer-as-something-I-should-do-more-often more accessible to the average worshipper. I’ve also slowed-down and let silence fall between ideas in my spoken prayer… to let the people feel the comment, process it, and converse with it. Pastoral Prayers should not be speeches.

“Holy” language can backfires on our intent. We want our people to pray, but if we set the “language bar” for prayer too far above the average person’s verbal level, we are undermining their feeling of adequacy. Flowery prayer sound powerful to some, but it has also taught generations of people to be stiff and formal in their own prayers, or left them not praying at all because they feel inadequate. (And you see the effect when the pastor asks someone else to lead a prayer…  the comfort level and language ain’t there.)

TRUTH: One of the reasons pastors fall back on “holy language” is because it’s easier to write “holy” prayers, than heart-felt. And pastors often leave the pastoral prayer to Sunday morning’s preparation when they are busy polishing the sermon and doing countless other things.  This is one of the reasons the “preacher” should not lead the pastoral prayer. Or at least, should focus on it prior to Sunday morning.

BTW… I think the Pastoral Prayer should be written out, and not extemporaneous. Meaningful ad-libbing is fine, but when you’re praying for a group, you have a responsibility not to get tongue-tied or have brain-freeze.  Writing out the prayer will also help you avoid boilerplate Holy Joe prayer language that you fall back on when your brain infarcts!

3. The Lack of Variety when one person is the regular prayer leader.

Pastoral Prayers should not always be led by the pastor!  That’s not what “pastoral” means. Elders should be invited to pray, and perhaps should be taught in a “pastoral prayer workshop” once a year.  There are books of prayers, and many online sites with new prayers submitted from many different traditions. MINE them.

4. The “Exhausted Pastor Syndrome”...having to lead the prayer after a lengthy exhausting sermon.

Take my word for it… after a sermon, the preacher’s mind is exhausted and still whirling.  Therefore, either a) Find help to do the prayer, or b) put several worship items between the sermon and the prayer in the program.  And if you ARE that exhausted pastor, have your pastoral prayer written out ahead of time, otherwise you’ll fall back on Holy language and platitudes.

5. The Pastoral Prayer Shopping List. “The form” we have been taught goes like this: Praise to, Thanksgiving for, prayers about the world, the community, and lastly us.   It’s too much. It turns the prayer into a check-list.

There is no rule that a pastoral prayer has to start off with praise and thanksgiving. You can go right to the personal stuff. While these other elements are important, other parts of the worship service can (and do) deal with them. Give TIME to subjects in your prayer. Rather than viewing your pastoral prayer as a “catch all”, let other parts of the service carry some of the weight. View the service content in an integrated fashion, rather than as separate items with their own agendas.

6. The Horror of Things Left Out. …the pastoral prayer as lip-service to the disaster of the day, impending holiday, or other noteworthy event one must mention. Failure to mention it will certain mean it gets mentioned to you at the end of the service! Create a practice where you invite people to submit suggestions for the prayer. And then always look at your calendar and the morning paper before writing your prayer.  Doesn’t hurt to check CNN or your text messages and email.  Make a habit of inviting prayer concerns prior to the beginning of worship.

(I’m NOT a huge fan of inviting prayer requests DURING worship. Inevitably a few people dominate, and many who won’t speak in public won’t share in public either. It also takes too much time in worship. Sad, but true.)

7. The Pastoral Prayer as Sermon Summary. In a word, “don’t“.  IMHO…  Using the prayer to summarize the sermon is the worst thing that can happen to the pastoral prayer. “Touch on” a key point or allude to something, yes, –but recap? No!  If your sermon isn’t memorable enough without including it in the pastoral prayer, you have a sermon problem.

8. The Adrenaline-Rushed Pastor speeding through the prayer.

Three things:
a) Cut your prayer word count, then you won’t have to rush.
b) Start the pastoral prayer with silent prayer, and remember to pray yourself (for one thing it lowers your heartrate).
c)  Let someone else do the pastoral prayer.

Many speakers, including many pastors, are unaware of the SPEED at which they pray. Some whip through the Praises. Some whip through it all!   At a church where I attended as a “pastor in the pew” every Sunday the Senior Pastor would lead us on a nice & slow pastoral prayer, then WHIP THROUGH the Lord’s Prayer. He was like a horse headed to the barn. You could actually hear him AHEAD of the congregation pulling us through the Lord’s Prayer.  The problem: he had put us all in a mello mood during the prayer, then he got prefunctory with the Lord’s Prayer and sped up.   Word to the pastor…. step back from the microphone after you start the Lord’s Prayer. Let the congregation lead it.

9.  ________________ This one is left open for your struggle and solution.

<>< Neil

See my article about, Tips on Teaching Children to Pray and Using Software to Teach Children to Pray

www.sundaysoftware.com/lessons/prayer.htm

Advertisement!

www.sundaysoftware.com/namebadger

Other than the snappy title, what caught my attention was that it came from the pastor of www.LifeChurch.tv …an online church that they say occasionally meets around the country/globe. I first ran across them when I downloaded their free “youversion” Bible for my iphone.  It’s not my favorite free iphone Bible app (none really are at this point.) 

The concept of “online church” seems oxymoronic. But then, so does “offline church” !   And by “off line” I mean a church which seems disconnected from its community, social issues, and the members from each other, –only to “pretend connectedness” on Sunday.  As a pastor now serving from the pew, I’ve been in congregations which are more OFFline than ON. They are more “apart” than together. This is both literally true of all, and figuratively true of most!

EDGY PERSPECTIVE: One of the “conceits” of the church is that they believe they are the center of their members’ lives, and don’t make coming to church a priority all the time. As a former staff person, this is often what all our efforts were about… GETTING people to church, as if being there and building faith, and acting faithfully were all the same thing.

I spent too much time preparing people to COME, and not enough time preparing them  to GO. 

Too much program connectedness and not enough personal connectedness. 

( I’ve posted more about this elsewhere in this blog, so BACK TO THE BOOK! )

Here’s a short listing of the author’s definition of “Christian athiest”.  They are also his chapter titles.

• You believe in God …but don’t really know him
• You believe in God …but aren’t really sure he loves you
• You believe in God …but not in prayer
• You believe in God …but don’t think he’s fair
• You believe in God …but don’t forgive
• You believe in God …but don’t think you can change
• You believe in God …but still worry all the time
• You believe in God …but pursue happiness at any cost
• You believe in God …but trust more in money
• You believe in God …but don’t share your faith

Pretty damning, if you ask me. But the cool thing about this list, and about the book, is that we know some of the solutions.  These are messages and ideas we’ve been hearing/preaching for years, which the author gives an engaging new spin to.

To his list I would add: 

You believe in God, and Go to Church, but….

• don’t read your bible
• don’t invite your friends about your church
• don’t try to establish friendships with church members OUTSIDE the church building
• don’t expect more from your church
• sit back and keep quiet rather than step forward to help

What would you add?

————————

Ad and Lament

This past month we got word that Tyndale is putting the Ilumina Bible DVD software out of print.  I personally think that’s a huge mistake. It’s the best available and works GREAT on Windows 7. It’s so deep and good I wish they had an iphone/ipad app for it!  (I often read the Bible on my iphone when I’m sitting somewhere waiting).

I know their developer left them, so I suppose that may have had something to do their decision to put the product out of print. Tyndale is also so big they can do what they please. It’s just TOO BAD that YET ANOTHER GREAT SOFTWARE PROGRAM is disappearing for no good reason, and with nothing as good to replace it.  See it before.

I’ve swooped in and bought as many as I could afford. And at $25 they hard to beat.  When you see your copy, you’ll join in wondering “This is a great program…what the heck were they thinking!”

www.sundaysoftware.com/ilumina

After some recent SLUGGISH BEHAVIOR on my 2 year old laptop, I downloaded the latest free version of Windows Cleanup from Microsoft and BY GOSH IT WORKED. Got rid of all sorts of leftover files, orphaned programs, clutter, and things I wasn’t using anymore. It freed up and re-arranged my hard disk space so it would operate more efficiently. Wouldn’t it be nice to have such a program for your church?   There’s your parable in brief. 

One of the biggest RESOURCE HOGS are programs that think they need to startup everytime you turn on your computer, or turn on your browser.  These programs scream for attention, –even if they are low priority.  Sometimes they are called “plug-ins” …and all they do is TAKE UP WORKING MEMORY, and SAP OPERATING POWER.  The Windows cleanup program and ‘uninstall’ feature work wonders on such programs.  Your church have any programs or program leaders like that?  More parable.

A lot of these resource hogs are “running in the background” -as they say in Windows. Press Ctrl-Alt-Delete on your keyboard to bring up your Task Manager and you will see tabs for “Applications” and “Processes”  …all running and sucking power and attention away from your processor. Some are essential. Some are optional. And some just need to be stopped.  (They are like the “phantom power” problem we have at home with all our powercords.) 

Who’s doing Task Managing in the church? 
Where’s our “uninstall” button?

One of the biggest SLOW DOWNS on your computer is your “Windows Registry”.  This is a filing cabinet of bureaucratic protocols for nearly every program and configuration on your computer. And every time you start up your computer, Windows has to load the registry. Over time, your registry gets bloated with all sorts of meaningless and fanciful information, and this starts to slow Windows down.  More parable!  (Aside: Bloated registry kind of reminds me of the church’s annual report. “The did-little committee did a lot this year.” hahaha)

If you have ears, you get my drift.

For the slightly deaf:  The church has a lot of resource hogging, registry bloating, phantom power issues.  …me too.

Some “Cleanup” is required. 
But what kind of cleanup?  
Based on a personal experience which I’m about to share, …even the KIND of cleanup needs to be considered.

Here’s the Confession:

Many years ago they did a “time study” of the staff at a church where I served as an Associate Pastor. It was done pro-bono by a professional management consultant (which should have raised a red flag right there!    They decided I was “working at 140% capacity.”  So what did they do? 

-Teach me how to be more efficient?   No.  
-Help me prioritize my work?   No. 
-Decide that some of what I was doing wasn’t really needed?   No. 
=Help me delegate some of my responsibilities to volunteers?    Hahaha.

No, instead they hired another minister and gave him some of my responsibilities. I was SO happy!  …and immediately proceeded to fill my new found “extra time” with new things related to the remainder of my job description.  In computer parlance, they uninstalled some programs so I could install new ones. “One devil for another.”

THE MISTAKE they (and I) made was that they looked at HOW MUCH I was doing,

———and not at all WHAT or HOW I was doing it,

……………….or IF I should be doing it at all.

Looking back…. one of the quickest and most profound changes they (I) should have implemented, was to simply say, “you will spend X amount of time every week outside the church office calling upon individuals and families.”  I did do calling, but only when time permitted, or when people were sick.  They wanted me to continue to focus on our rather successful programs.  Yet now I realize that their definition of “success” (and mine) was skewed. Even as successful as we were in that church (we grew by 30% during my time there and doubled our budget), I was still only really actively ministering to half the parishoners in my areas of responsibility, and it wasn’t as nearly relational and personal as I now believe it should have been.

Secret(?) 
Most ministers do not like calling on parishoners. It goes against our sense of privacy to “cold call” people, …walk into their homes and ask questions about their life. Rather, most ministers WAIT for parishoners to come to them. Or, we create programs, such as Bible studies, where the faithful few expect questions and want to share. The problem is that those programs don’t attract or provide pastoral contact to most of our parishoners.  Now that I’m back on the “pew side” of things (no longer actively serving as “the” minister in a church) I am reminded that most of us yearn for ministers -and other people we look up to, –to take us seriously, to inquire about our life and hopes and dreams and concerns. …To get beyond the chit-chat. 

Since those days, I’ve reinvented my personal beliefs about many things in the church.  And this blog has many of those ideas.

In youth ministry, for example,  –If I were starting over I’d make my youth ministry more relational and much less “programmatic.”  You can read about my experiments with a different kind of youth ministry at http://www.sundaysoftware.com/articles/tribe13/    You can also see my research into the “church attendance” issue and suggestions for children/youth at http://sundayresources.net/neil/2010/11/15/the-positive-effect-of-even-some-attendance/

Conclusion: 

Church Clean Up is a great idea…  Getting rid of Resource Hogs, Prioritizing, Reorganizing.

But perhaps its time to also change many of our Operating System & Assumptions about what we think we’re supposed to be DOING in the first place.

<>< Neil

We have a wonderful clipart CD for churches. Check it out at http://sundaysoftware.com/clickart

Which raises the thoughts in my mind:

How and When do we “scan” the church for things that are wrong?  …before the problems get worse?

What kind of anti-virus or malware “software” do we have in place to do EARLY detection of potential problems in committees, attendance, programs, and staff members?

Opinion: Too often, “malware” protection is left to the very people who are part of the problem.

The chair of a former church’s personnel committee once came to me asking me for advice about what she thought was wrong in the church. I was a minister-in-the-pew but not on staff. She detected the problems, -which I agreed with, but she felt powerless to remove them, in part, because others didn’t want to stir the pot.  And she was the chair of the committee!

One of the “removal” tools she didn’t realize she had was the option to meet in “executive session” where the pastor/staff was not present –and would allow commiteeand they could then speak more freely. She didn’t want to offend the pastor. Indeed, she didn’t realize that the Personnel Committee had that power or option.

In his bestselling book “Blink”, author Malcolm Gladwell looks into some of therecent research into “how we make decisions”. One of his chapters deals with how people choose mates and what makes a relationship go south. The researchers found that “contempt” is the #1 marker for a marriage that is statistically doomed to failure.  Anger and other problems are markers too, but when one partner begins to hold the other in contempt, good luck. I’ve seen and experienced this in pastoral, staff and key leader relationships as well.

Where does it all get started?  …with Trojan Horses

A “Trojan” is a malicious software program that appears innocously- but eventually spells big trouble. And it’s often an ENTREE for other problems to follow. In fact, Trojans help download all sorts of other problems. In addiction, you might call them “gateway drugs.” 

In church terms, a “trojan” might be any of the following:

• modestly bad behavior on the part of some staff
• a failed program (which people are afraid to kill, or address)
• a festering disagreement or dislike among staff or leaders
• leaders who don’t seem to be addressing fundamental issues, such as membership slide
• financial mis-management
• active members going inactive or slipping away
• the pastor/leaders stocking leadership positions with their friends

Each of these is a “trojan” that can lead to bigger problems.

How to Scan for Trojans…

Nobody likes to deal with problems, and in many churches, the “scanning” is often left to those who have a vested interest in NOT reporting problems (ie, the staff/leaders and their friends).

In many big businesses, the role of “scanner” is assigned to an independent leader, sometimes to an “ombudsman”, …someone who’s job is to not drink the koolaid, but to actively listen, respond, and report.

This person’s job is to report to all the leaders, and not through the “CEO” (ie, the pastor) –because the leader is sometimes part of the problem.

One of the most critical places that pastors exert their control, for better or worse, is through the nominating committee and council assignments. To achieve REAL SCANNING, the scanner has to be independent of the pastor,  and their reports have to be discussed.

Look for things that aren’t right, but also look for “markers” of something you may have been missing, such as contempt.

Left undetected, or unaddressed, small problems turn into big ones on the computer and in the church. Word to the wise.

Neil:  “Because that’s where an increasing number of your members are –everyday.”

Pastor Friend: “Our kids maybe, but our adults? It just seems so vapid, a colossal waste of time.”

Neil:  “Sigh….”

National Public Radio just released the results of their survey of their on “fans” who follow NPR on Facebook. (Yes, NPR has a Facebook page).  1 million people follow NPR’s Facebook page. 40,000 NPR fans responded to the survey.

Here’s what NPR’s “low-brow” crowd looks like:

NPR’s fans are Facebook regulars. Almost all respondents –96%– access Facebook at least once per day, and 80% access it more than once a day. According to Facebook, 50% of its users in general are using the service on any given day.

79% of the respondents were between the ages of 25 to 54.  69% were women.

 They’re regular consumers of NPR content, especially via broadcast. About three of every four respondents (76%) listen to NPR on the radio. The majority of respondents – 55% – listen to between one and three hours of NPR on air each day.

You can read NPR’s  full report at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128928306&sc=fb&cc=fp

To read my article about Why Pastors/Churches should take Facebook seriously, go to http://sundayresources.net/neil/2009/06/27/facebook-the-f…be-on-facebook

A really nice order came in from an old customer during our company’s “annual sales drought”. Most businesses have slow periods, but these days they can be scary slow. I called to say “thank you” and the customer said, “well normally we would have waited to order, but figured you could use it now.“  The dollar amount was nice, but the sense of support was priceless.

A business friend emailed recently, ”just checking in…wondering how you were doing“.  Luke has always been good at making phonecalls and emailing his business contacts. When I called him back, he said that he’s been spending a lot more time on the phone than ever before just listening.

One of our long-time suppliers called last month. “Can I send you some CDs at an extra discount and have you pay upfront? It would help me make payroll this week.“  We didn’t need the extra stock, but I placed the order.   

I’m sure you have many of your own stories to share, and I would encourage you to do so. But it’s also important that we each DO something to help our friends and business acquaintances in these days. Not only can specific supportive acts be encouraging, they can be a witness.

Here’s a beginning list of things you can do right now to help minister during a recession. Some of them are for the church, or pastor, or maybe just for you.

• Post a “jobs” board at your church with two sections:  “I’m Available to,” and “Help Wanted.” At every meeting and worship service, remind people to use the board. Put a marker and pad of paper on it to make it easier for folks to post. Offer your phonenumber as a go-between for those who don’t want it broadcast that they’re seeking work.
• Do lunches with business people in your congregation. Listen.
• Take extra care to notice slips in worship attendance. Depression makes people not want to go out.
• Organize a dinner for business people in your congregation with experts in the field of  “interviewing for a new job”. Organize a potluck with an expert in mortgage refinancing and managing 401ks.
• Patronize church member businesses and local businesses that seem to be struggling.
• Buy a couple of movie passes for a young family that’s struggling.
• If there are odd jobs around the church which you would normally pay for, offer them to members who are struggling (including teens who are faced with a bad job market as well).
• In your own business… value relationships over product, practice patience.
• Make sure the church is offering no-cost regular FELLOWSHIP events to take pressure off of family budgets and give them a chance to network and feel supported.
• Talk to local job agencies and governmental offices about using the church for their job events and classes. If this type of help doesn’t exist in your area, gather some members and local business people and create it.
• Now is the time for Bible studies about money, and seminars about faithful financial planning. There are numerous resources for such. 
• Avoid conspicuous consumption in the church. This is not the time for your dream mission trip, or big capital project, or higher registration fees, …even if many in your church have been relatively untouched by the recession. Even symbolic budget cuts or redirecting funds to help those seeking work (and groceries) can speak volumes to those who are hurting in your congregation.

So often the Church is focused only on its own needs, …worship and program. But this is a time for ministers, members, and churches to become more relevant to the personal needs of their members.

Yes, I’m getting older, but “THEY” are also making things harder to see and find!

I have a beautiful 17″ laptop with a high resolution screen, –but darnit if I can’t regularly find my MOUSE POINTER on that screen!!!  Doesn’t help that I usually have 5 windows open at the same time.

“Duh” Simple Solution:

Set the Windows Mouse Pointer to “large”.  (No, it won’t be quite as big as my ridiculous graphic here!)

Open the Windows Control Panel in XP/Vista/Windows 7 and double-click “Mouse”. Then change the pointer mouse ”scheme” to LARGE.  Makes the mouse pointer about 20% bigger, and makes me feel about 20% younger.

Now let me also admit one of my favorite Internet Explorer Features:  the ZOOM option. I regularly toggle my web browser to 125% zoom. It helps on many sites which have been designed with ridiculously small fonts and faint pastel color schemes.  Internet Explorer 8 makes it easy…  I just have to click the lower right zoom icon to quickly make the change.

As you get older, you either…

a) Lose your sense of dignity
b) Redefine what’s “cool”

I have finally decided to “redefine what’s cool” and get a rope for my reading glasses, …even though my wife and kids think it makes me look like a geezer.  Why? Because there’s nothing worse than forgetting where you left your reading glasses, and desperately needing them.

Note to Young Pastors and Young Church Secretaries…  No fine print in the bulletin and newsletters, please. It just makes us annoyed with you, …and jealous.

Speaking of “forgetting”… NPR recently featured the author of “The Secret Life of the Grown Up Brain“.  Apparently the latest research says YES, we get more forgetful in middle age, but that our brains are MUCH better than younger brains at certain “higher” functions, like reasoning. Can’t wait to tell my kids. 

The researcher offered some GOOD ADVICE ABOUT REMEMBERING NAMES …something I’m increasingly not good at.  First, she said the problem as we get older is that we don’t process things into memory as quickly as we once did, we need an extra second. So when you hear a person’s name, you need to pause on it before continuing your conversation.

Second, she said that the BEST way to remember a name was to associate an image or sound with it. So next time you meet “Bob” …think “Bob the Builder” or “Bob Bob Bobbity Bob.”  (you don’t say that out loud!)   For some reason, the middle age brain loves those kinds of associations and retrieves them more quickly.

Read the story at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125902095&ft=1&f=13

—————-

And Speaking of “BIG”…   my good friend Mike owns a print shop here on St. Croix, and specializes in MAKING BIG PRINTS of just about anything. Check out his Large Format Printing website at www.largeformatprinting.vi  Mike can turn your photos and documents into posters and banners and ship it to you cheap.  His state-of-the-art large format color printer makes it look great.  Tell him, “Neil sent me and said you’d give me a discount.”

I’ve been leading youth groups in one way or another for over 30 years. Started when I was 17 helping out with the Jr. High group in my church.

For many years, I thought I knew what I was doing, –mostly because I was doing what most OTHER youth pastors were doing, …and what the hippy-dippy youth seminars told me to do. Had the great attendance, did cool stuff, taught the Bible studies, did the mission trips, took the long walks, had the long talks,  had a lot of fun.  Stoopid me.

One of the good things about getting older is you get to see “how things turn out.” I now have former youth group members RECONNECTING with me through the internet and the blessing of FACEBOOK.  ….It has been wonderful, …and a humbling eye-opener.

Down below I tell the stories of two kids from my former youth groups.

One of things that TIME has taught me is that FAR TOO MANY kids who came up through the church have grown away from the church. Those who have contacted me often bring it up. They apologize and make promises. And I’ve met many other “old” youth pastors who have similar stories.

If you are young and reading this, you’re probably thinking, “What did HE do wrong? He must have done something wrong!”

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it assumes that the youth minister is the difference maker in most of our kids’ lives.  Many young youth leaders and pastors believe that, “all I have to do is X, Y, Z and most of my youth group kids will grow up strong in faith and connected to the church.” Indeed, many young youth pastors believe that they can ‘save’ or ‘bind’ a kid to Christ and the church BY THE FORCE OF THEIR OWN CHARISMATIC PERSONALITY and awesome programming.    Sorry to say, it doesn’t work that way.

I was one of those young “somewhat charismatic”  youth pastors who could get the kids to turn out. Taught great lessons, told the compelling stories, challenged them with the Word, played all the games, did the mission trips, held the hands, dragged them to the soup kitchens, etc. etc, … the kids loved me and I loved them. But the years have taught me that, while that approach seemed to “work” at the time, makes YOU look good at your job, and certainly makes the church and parents and kids happy,  it’s wasn’t, and isn’t enough.

Long-term it’s only PART of what we should have been doing.  I have come to believe that the only measuring stick for “success” is WHERE those kids ARE 10 or 20 years later in their faith and church life.

I don’t have a program to sell you, but I do tell young youth pastors that the BEST thing they can do is not “youth programming” …but “family ministry.” The dynamics of family –the relationship between parent and child and siblings and the faith that can be nurtured there (or crushed)  is a FAR MORE POWERFUL FORCE than your Sunday meetings, game nights, awesome lesson talks, campfire sing-a-longs, soup-kitchen visits, and “walk & talks” in the woods.

Okay…it’s not either or. I’m just saying, “re-balance” and don’t make the same mistake most youth pastors have made over the past 40 years. ‘

Youth ministry which does not have as its goal LASTING faith and participation in the life of a congregation, is not only wrong, it’s an exercise in the leader’s VANITY.

Of course, the question is, “what makes for lasting faith and participation?” Over the years, several studies have come out which lean heavily towards family ministry, and personal individual mentorship/evangelism, –not Sunday night meetings. After a couple of stories, I’m going to parse this out a little more below. But I’ve also quoted the research and written about it elsewhere (beginning at www.sundaysoftware.com/stats.htm).

I want to share the stories of  three of my former youth group kids to illustrate the importance of what this “old” youth minister has figured out…

“Jean” reconnected with me last year over the internet. She had been active in a former youth group I had led for many years back in the early 90′s. I remembered Jean as a sweetie, –polite, quiet, smiling Jean. Her parents were active in the church. Indeed, I thought she had a great home life. But in fact, Jean says her youth was troubled, her father distant, her mother overbearing, and she wandered for 10-12 years after leaving home at the age of 18 (a year after I left that congregation).   I never knew ANY of this backstory until she told me this past year. She finally married a Christian man whom she says “saved her life.”  Her parents are still distant.

Jean told me I had a great impact on her young life –which was wonderful to hear and a bit surprising. She thanked me for the messages I shared with her, for my spirit. Problem was, I never knew her well enough to see the signs of trouble.  I was too busy doing all the hundred things youth ministers do –dealing with all the kids and events and leaders. I was too busy and distracted by other kids with more “obvious” need –to get close enough to Jean and discover what was going on behind her smiling face.   Yet in retrospect, I remember there was a sense of nervousness about her, which at the time I assumed was run-of-the-mill teenage angst. Stoopid me.

- – - – - – - –

Anne was a star student athlete, a state running champ, and regular Sunday morning worship attender. For years I tried to get her to come to Sunday School and Sunday night meetings.  She and I were always friendly with each other, but eventually I could see that  her AVOIDING me on Sunday mornings as she came in for worship with her folks. One Sunday afternoon I called her to invite her to attend that night’s meeting, and she got choked up, almost crying as she apologized for not being able to come. I got off the phone and realized what a jerk I had been.  From there on in, I decided never to “recruit” her again, but rather, to ask about her life, and take an interest in what she was doing.

She went off to college the next year, and came to worship at every break. A year after she graduated from college, her mother told me one Sunday, “Anne is getting married.”  Two years after that, Anne came to have her baby baptized and was back worshipping on a nearly weekly basis with her folks. A few years after I left for another position, I noticed Anne’s name in their newsletter as a newly elected Deacon.

- – - – - – - –

I had “Bob” in my Sunday School classes and children’s groups for several years. He was an awesome kid, well-liked, funny, and came to everything we did at the church.  He was a believer, and came of his own accord. By the time he was in the 10th grade, stories about Bob’s drinking and “recreational” drug use were becoming well known. He was open about it with me, and expressed tremendous regret. I had counseled kids with such problems before, and did so with Bob. The family received counseling, but I could see the anger Bob lived with underneath his joking extroverted exterior.  And so could most of his friends.

What I didn’t know, until it was too late, was that his parents were more messed up than Bob. A mess which ended in divorce and sent Bob over the edge the same year I left that congregation for another position. Bob’s sister and youth group friends tried to help him, and occasionally kept me informed.  But 4 years later I got the phonecall. Bob had overdosed, choked on his own vomit, and was dead.

I realize that nothing I did, or could have done, may have changed the outcome, but once again, I realize that my traditional “successful” style of youth ministry hadn’t left time to go deeper with a kid like Bob and Jean. It didn’t leave time to “seek and save the lost” in a way that might have made a difference. The hard part is that I will never know.  But I did change the way I did youth ministry in my next opportunity. Read on…

Eventually, the youth pastor/worker leaves, and if you were good, it’s really hard on the kids.  I was told by Bob’s sister and Jean herself, and many other kids in that church, that “my leaving” hit many of those kids hard. They missed me.  “It was never the same afterwards,” they said. It was like they went into mourning. I saw the other side of this in one church where I came in as ”the new guy.” The older kids spent a year avoiding me.

That’s the dirty downside of great youth ministry… the inevitable “leaving”. You HOPE the church will find someone to fill your shoes, but that’s impossible, no matter how good “that” person is. With kids and youth, it takes years to build that trust and relationship. And by the time “the new person” is no longer “the new person” –many kids are lost to the youth group, moved on to other things, or graduated and gone off to college.

Read this previous paragraph again. This is why I believe the “best” youth ministry is family ministry. YOU the youth pastor won’t be there forever. You the awesome youth minister don’t spend a tenth of the time with your kids that their parents and siblings do. Traditional youth ministry tries to get peers to care for each other, and that’s good, but peers change, and come college-time, none of the peers you worked with are there for each other.  We need to teach kids and parents and siblings how to love and minister to each other (and in the case of Anne, celebrate it).

It’s the siblings and parents (for better or worse) who will ”BE THERE” over the years. NOT US.

We also need to conduct a youth ministry that gets behind the fascades which kids and parents present…. to identify the family dynamics and danger signs and have the time to respond. As much as Jean and Bob loved me, hung around me, and liked my teaching, they needed more than great meetings, mission trips and walk & talks in the woods.

We also need to do a MUCH better job of preparing our youth for young-adult and adult life. We need to prepare them for “picking spouses” and “how their relationships can and will change with their parents and siblings” as they get older. I think we spend too much time in youth ministry on “being a teenager.”  We spend too much time worrying about premarital sex, and not enough on how to pick the right spouse, how to have a healthy relationship with a signficant other.

We also need to integrate youth  into the normal life of congregation, instead of separating them. Eventually we want them to join a congregation wherever they land after High School.  But many find the “adult” church to be a foreign land because we kept them away from it for many years. (This is why I absolutely HATE the idea of Sunday School during worship time.)   The problem is that they are comparing every congregation to their happy-crazy youth group experience and youth worship experience and youth pastor experience.  And most churches fall short of that.  We do them a disservice by not doing family ministry,  and by sequestering them in the make-believe world of youth ministry.

I can’t tell you how many former members of my youth groups cite this as a problem…. they “never found a group or church as good as our youth group.”  They “never found a minister like you, ____ (the youth pastor).   And so they end up going nowhere.

And we need to recognize, celebrate and connect with the youth who DO NOT fit into our “Sunday night” program. Some of them are lost and need us not to be their “leader” but their pastor. And like Anne, some of them are quite found!  …and don’t need us sending the wrong message.

If you’ve read this far and feel my concern about youth ministry, read my article about the TRIBE13 Experiment.

Tribe13 was a new kind of children’s and youth group experience that I helped create –in response to a lot of my concerns and experiences.  It was moving in the direction which Jean and Bob could have really benefitted from -had I been smart enough to implement it so many years ago for them.  http://www.sundaysoftware.com/articles/tribe13/tribe13.htm

You may also enoy my other articles about the State of Children’s and Youth Ministry, and what to do about it!  You can find a menu to those articles here.

Let those who have ears, hear.

<>< Neil

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(I even designed a piece of software called Name Badger that helps churches provide nametags on-demand to walk-up users so that we could help people REMEMBER names at church. And a lot of our software is great for reviewing previously taught content. My money is where my mouth is.)

Several months ago I read the book “BRAIN RULES” …a summary of the latest research and it’s implications for teachers. I summarized that book and its implications for Sunday School teachers over at http://www.sundaysoftware.com/resources/research.htm  Read it!

Continuing on the subject….  I recently wrote the following short article about the IMPORTANCE of REVIEWING  PREVIOUSLY TAUGHT LESSONS in Sunday School. That article appeared in my Sunday Software Email Newsletter  (www.sundaysoftware.com/subscribe.htm) and has a lot of LESSON EXAMPLES for how to review over the short-term and long-term in the classroom. Those examples are listed below, and I’ve preserved that article below as well.

This version of that email news article has expanded comments for preachers.

 The expanded “preachers” content is in PURPLE.

5.  ARTICLE:  The Tremendous Importance of Reviewing Previously Taught Content

“Teachers who don’t review previously taught content with their students -might as well toss their lessons out the window.” 

It’s that simple and that important.

Preaching is Teaching. Thus the corollary: “Preachers who don’t review previously preached content….might as well not preach.”

The latest brain research into memory formation, -and the continuing classroom experience, makes it abundantly clear:

In order to build strong LONG TERM memories, we must:If you aren’t doing these three things, you are not teaching. You’re just taking up time.

Same goes for preachers.
You spend a lot of time crafting your sermons, so craft them for maximum impact on your listener’s memories.

Most people can tell you the TASTE a sermon leaves in their mouth (mind), rather than remember a lot of the specific content. They’ll tell you “it was good” but if you press them for details, they will have trouble telling you details, -except for the story you told, or the dramatic way you did something, or your ending. And yet, most preachers believe their DETAILS are important. 

 

 The Brain Research tells us how we can get our content remembered:

a. teach content in an impressive and concise way
b. follow up with review in the short-term
c. come back to that same content over the long-term

Impressive = memorable, concise, interactive, multimedia rich, multiple learning styles informed, and emotionally engaging.
The brain is wired to impress content into memory in a variety of ways.
Talking is one of the least impressive modes of teaching/learning (followed closely by reading!)

Problem:
Preaching is largely a “talking” medium, so it has a hurdle to clear. 

Suggestions:

Tell stories, rather than pontificate. Stories are multimedia gems. The brain loves them.

Be aware that they’ll mostly remember the LAST part of your sermon more than the first. Yet many preachers start strong but finish weak. 

Craft your language.  The ear and memory loves to hear content that’s poetic, alliterative, and pithy. This is one of the reasons many of us enjoy listening to “how” black preachers preacher (if not their content). It has a beat and cadence that’s appealing, and their words are often dramatically crafted for maximum EAR APPEAL.  Speech writers call this “punching up” the speech.

When I write a sermon, I will typically GO BACK after it’s written, and punch-up the language, while paring-down the actual number of words and sentences.

Move!  The eye is built to track whatever moves. Moving focuses the mind on what’s moving. It makes us better listeners.

Get over it and start using Visuals.  Stories are visuals. Words can be visual, but PICTURES are also visuals. Even writing and drawing on a board helps. (Time Magazine recently highlighted Willow Creek’s Bill Hybels preaching style of writing key ideas on whiteboards during the sermon. This is a smart visual aid that reinforces memory.)

Add Emotional Content.  The brain LOVES emotional content and stores it more deeply. Poignancy is crucial, as is YOUR emotional tenor during your delivery. A flat delivery will create flat memories. This is why poignant and personal stories are effective.

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Short-term Review = at the end of the lesson, before the day is out, and at the beginning of the following week’s lesson. Teachers who don’t summarize at the end of their lessons because they have too much left to do, are doing less than they think!.

Other important short-term opportunities: Take-home content, parents asking about lessons, a pastor referencing content in their childrens sermons and liturgy, referencing of content at mid-week program.

Review during your sermon!   Many preachers preach in a stream of consciousness style… getting to a destination or point. But the brain research says that we need to GO BACK to previously preached/taught content to stimulate longer-term memory. Thus, each part of your sermon should reference its previous parts, and at the end of the sermon it would be wise to reiterate the previous parts/stories/points of your sermon. This will trigger the brain to move those memories into longer-term storage.

Review parts of your sermon in other places in the liturgy. Reference ideas in the responses, in the prayers (don’t re-preach! …rather, “impress.”) This will trigger the brain’s memory process to store the content in longer-term storage. 

Shorten and “RESET” your sermons. 25 minutes is too long. The research says that most brains “fatigue” after 10 minutes, and need “reset.” Thus, you should create sermons that have distinct movements or units. 

A brain ”reset” is a cognitive, visual, and auditory BREAK.  It’s an intermission. It allows the brain to compartementalize content. It could be as simple as walking out of the pulpit to tell a new story, or switch to a new point.  The author of Brain Rules books is a teaching professor. He says that you have to RESET the listener’s brain about every 8 to 10 minutes. If you don’t, they wander, and your content gets fuzzy.

——————————————————————————-

Long-term Review = Quarterly and Annual “reviews”. The brain is wired to store memories more vibrantly into long-term storage IF the memories are refreshed and reinvigorated. A “talking head” review isn’t an invigorating review as far as the memory is concerned.

“Forcing” recall, –causing students to search their memories, rather than spoon feeding them the information, helps the long-term storage process. Thus, season ending “gameshows” and computer quizzes are a great idea.

Use other venues and time slots to go back over previously taught content, such as, mid-week Fellowship groups, childrens sermons, childrens worship –all of which can be used to schedule the reinforcement of key content. Also… repetition of key stories/content in the curriculum. For example, the Exodus story deserves to be taught more than once every 5 or 6 years.

REFERENCE PREVIOUS SERMONS. When you say, ”last week I told the story of the boy who…” – you are forcing their recall —which triggers the brain to put those memories into deeper storage. 

This is also why “sermons excerpts” should be printed in newsletters (and not necessarily the whole sermon everytime).

Why do many lesson plans and curriculums IGNORE the importance of review and quizzing?
In part because curriculum publishers want us to chew through lessons. In part because there is a lack of understanding of how memories are formed. And in part because “review” often consists of a talking head asking boring questions which students don’t want to respond to.

——————————————————————————-

 

REVIEW IS NOT BORING ON THE COMPUTER!

Quizzing & review was one of the very first things I realized the computer was great at when I first started teaching with software back in the early 90′s .

This insight continues to influence my software design. It’s why programs like Elijah & Jonah CD, and Jesus in Space, and Awesome Bible Stories are FULL of little mini-quizzes and quiz-like games.

It’s also why I continue to like 3-D style games like Exodus and Joseph… because kids will GLADLY play them again and again and again.

[Aside: Now you know why I'm a huge advocate of the Rotation model for Sunday School, ---teaching the same story several weeks in a row through different media each week.]

 

Sometimes teachers will say to me, “I don’t have time to get through everything on your CD.” And I tell them, “well, that’s kind of the point!” We have put quizzes and game-like quizzes in there for teachers to getBACK TO at a LATER time.

It’s really one of the secrets of understanding most of our “Sunday Software-made” programs. I’ve put in more than you can use in one setting, not merely to give you choices, but to give you ‘extra’ to use at a later time. And I’ve given you activities and games with “sneaky content” which they are MORE than willing to “play again.”

For example:  the Sumo Wrestling Game in Awesome Bible Stories’ Jacob & Esau story. The kids would play that every week if you let them, but they can’t advance without correctly answering questions about the story.

For example: the mini-arcade games in Elijah’s CD.

For example: The Whammo Labs Seder Plate game in Jesus in Space CD.

For example: The matching quizzes built into the “Professor’s bookshelf” in Life of Christ CD.

One week after playing the Jonah story in our Elijah & Jonah CD, start next week’s lesson by saying, “Before we start today’s lesson, I want you to take the FIRST 5 minutes of classtime and play the Jonah “Story Order” game.

Then, about 8 weeks out, make your computer lab lesson a QUIZ DAY. Write about 35 multiple choice questions about Jonah and all your other lessons you have recently taught, and type them into the Fall of Jerich CD Question Editor. First one to Jericho gets to see the walls knocked down!

Example #2
One week after studying the parable of the Good Samaritan in our Good Sam CD, have them take the quiz “Who Wants to Be a Samaritan” again that’s found on the CD, –even if you did it last week Tell them “let’s see how much your remember!” They’ll gladly play along About 6 weeks out, in the last 10 minutes of any lesson, turn on Crosswords CD on your computer and have your students complete your “Good Sam crossword puzzle” that you created for them.

Example #3
Four weeks after teaching a unit about Joseph, after you’ve already moved on to other stories, ROLL IN to class with your laptop and a copy of Joseph’s Story CD. The game plays them through the entire story IN SEQUENCE. And with THAT story, remembering the parts of that huge story is critical to understanding its meaning.

Example #4
Every 10 to 12 weeks, hold a “Game Show Event” for your grades. Come up with 50 questions about all your lessons and put them in a Jeopardy format, or edit them together as a question set in Bible Grand Slam CD or Fall of Jericho CD (these are quiz programs in the disguise of games)

Example #5
Edit together a collection of “memorable scripture verses” from your last 6 or 7 lessons and put them into Cal & Marty’s Scripture Memory Game CD for review. Put a chart on the wall and have kids work through the verses in the game to get their name listed on the “Wall of Honor.”

Have each student “sign” the puzzle and include an encouraging note. Have the youth write on the puzzle, “bring this back to me next Sunday and I’ve got a prize for you!” Not only will the younger kids respond, but the older kids will learn the content too! …and gain a sense of leadership.

Example #7
Use OTHER VENUES, such as, children’s sermons, to reinforce previously taught content. If your ch sermons follow up on what you’ve been teaching, your congregation will be impressed with what the kids know.

See what’s on sale this month at www.sundaysoftware.com/sale.htm

Do Pastors and their Congregations start to look like each other? I think so. And obviously, this can become unfortunate!

Most pastors that I know WANT to be leaders, but do NOT want to lay claim to just how much THEIR personality and style influences that of the congregation. Indeed, the congregation DEPENDS on and is led by the pastor’s style and personality, whether they like it or not, for better, and often for worse.

Most pastors want to be thought of as pastoral & spiritual leaders. They don’t want people paying close attention to their personal moods, body language, and tone. But we do! Why? Because it’s the way we humans are built.

It is in the nature of all groups to take their “cue” from their leader. Paul understood this. That’s why he had so much advice for Timothy and called leaders to a higher standard of behavior. Jesus understood it.  Do you or your Pastor get it?

That pastors and congregation start to look alike is no fluke, it’s natural, and scientists have described the BIOLOGICAL FORCES at work: Synchrony and Affinity.

1. Synchrony

Synchrony is the scientific name given to contagious laughter and yawning. Synchrony is when one person’s clapping leads to a room full of applause. Synchrony is when one person’s tears makes another person cry. Synchrony is when we subtley adjust our body position to mimick another. Synchrony is biological. It’s coded in our genes. In fact, it’s a behavior shared throughout the animal kingdom.

Recently, scientists have describe “synchrony” as a form of “empathy.”  It’s a personal type of communication through which we say, “I understand you and I’m with you.”  It’s one of the many ways we connect with one another. The evolution of synchrony throughout the animal kingdom demonstrates that synchrony is a survival behavior as well.  Synchrony is a good thing, especially if you take advantage of it in a good way. A caring & warm pastor will usually rub off on the congregation, as will a dysfunctional one. 

Another way to put this is that congregations “tune” themselves to the pastor’s note.  And if the pastor’s note is dischordant, the congregation will (eventually) likely be as well. (You knew that! And now you know the science behind it.)

2. “Natural Affinity”
(a.k.a. “Birds of a Feather Flock Together”)

Contrary to what your mother told you, opposites do not usually attract. An overwhelming amount of anecdotal and scientific evidence indicates that we feel most comfortable in groups of people like ourselves.  The scientist call this “affinity.” This instinct for affinity is what’s at the root of tribalism, race, where we choose to live, who we choose as our friends, and spouses.

Congregational programming is a good example of this natural desire for affinity:  small group ministries, Sunday School classes, mothers-day out, Al-anon, senior groups, women’s groups, choirs youth groups, young adult groups, etc etc etc.  The problem is when churches and pastors do things that DERAIL affinity groups. Those who have a strong desire for affinity will go elsewhere. Those with a weak desire for filling their “affinity need” through the church, won’t care about church programming that much.

One problem with “affinity” in the church is that if you don’t nurture it, you don’t get it, -and eventually you end up with a congregation full of people with low expectations. Another problem is when the PASTOR has a low need for affinity. I’ve seen this up close and personal in two churches: the pastor act like a wallflower in many settings outside the sanctuary.  This obviously has short-term consequence, but long term as well as the natural instinct for “synchrony” means that a wallflower pastor can often encourage apathetic “wallflowerish” behavior (affinity) within the congregation.  (Almost invariably you hear this being expressed by visitors and members as “is church friendly, or not friendly?”) 

A corollary of “Birds of a Feather” can be seen in the Sunday morning sanctuary where people tend to sit in the same location every Sunday, year after year. We are creatures of habit. And those habits shape us, and comfort us. And churches depend on them, indeed, ENCOURAGE them. Churches depend on the habit of giving, and the habit of getting up on Sunday morning.  The problem comes when give people a reason to BREAK those habits, such as sliding away from church, and they’ll fill naturally the spot vacated by their old habit with a new one. 

I’ve often wondered why the parents of teenagers were the least likely to belong to an “affinity group” or attend fellowship events. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to understand the reason:  the older we get the more likely people are to have established affinities OUTSIDE of the church.  And once our kids were no longer part of an affinity group, the greater the tendency is to become “merely” a worship attender. Part of the church’s response is to pull those middle-aged adults into positions of leadership. We put them on finance and mission committees. Problem is, those are hardly faith-stimulating affinity groups. “If I were starting my ministry over” I would focus on solving the problem of middle-age affinity groups, -and they would function and look different than my young adult group.

Synchrony…Part II

Synchrony is why Jimmy Swaggert cries. It’s why Rod Parsley yells and  jumps around. They understand that emotions are infectious.  But synchrony is how a room full of worshippers can all start to become restless, or ready to jump out of their seats. Synchrony is why even children know to sit still during prayers. They are born with a “group sense.”

Synchrony is how HUMOR in a sermon, or passion, or a compelling story can seem to grab the entire room.  In comedy shows, the comedian often hires a “shill” to help the audience laugh. In some churches, the deacons sit up front and shout “Amen”.

I’m not suggesting you do install shills in the front pew!  …but YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN SHILL, pastor!  Loosen up! Laugh, smile, get giddy, sway, move around, …in other words, quit being a stiff when you’re in front of people,  -and synchrony will help everyone feel more connected.

When Synchrony and Affinity Collide:

Imagine a pastor delivering a sermon in a dull tone and stiff body language.  They “lose the room” as entertainers would say. —And they drive off those who don’t feel an affinity with the pastor, leaving birds behind who don’t mind the pastor’s dull and stiff personae. 

You can actually see this in a lot of churches…  a difficult pastorate creates a faithful remnant that has become acclimated (or at least “apathetic” about) the reality and consequences of the pastor’s style. I once belonged to such a church. It was disheartening. It wasn’t dramatic, but over time, it created a sense of frustration, and some people quiety faded away or left.

Synchrony is infectious, –which can be a powerful force for good, but it can work against a congregation if the infection is apathy or conflict. Apathetic “birds of a feather” will continue to flock together, even as their numbers shrink.

#1 Suggestion:

Pay attention to the pastor’s personality, energy, charimsa, body language, etc, BEFORE you hire them. Talk to as many people as you can who know the pastor but are NOT on their official ‘references’ list.  Go view them in action and quietly talk to members of their congregation.   No, this is not “polite” …but hiring the wrong person is even less polite.

You should also take notice of the pastor’s “demeanor” when they are into their pastorate. People change. Sometimes pastor’s get under great stress or go through depression… just like real people!  But because of their position of leadership and visibility –and the natural forces of synchrony and affinity, the pastor’s problems can affect the entire congregation.

Other Suggestions:

Get Feedback and Evaluate Worship on a regular basis. Seems obvious, but most churches don’t do it. Many Worship Committees are reticent to criticize the pastor’s leadership.  Create a tool that invites anonymous feedback from time to time.

No more “Pastor Fizzler” !  Insist that staff continue to develop their “people and presentation skills.”  There are plenty of seminars, books and “coaches.” Businesses make use of them. Talk to a business teacher at your local school.  Make it part of every staff person’s job description and evaluation.

Hire a “presentation trainer” to help the pastor do a better job of leading worship and teaching. There are many such experts around, check your local college.

Have many leaders.  Don’t have the pastor at center-stage in every event.

Bring in outside preachers from time to time, and not just when the pastor is on vacation. A pastor can learn knew tricks from other preachers.

Experiment with various styles and formats of worship. Bring freshness and creativity to people’s experience as well as your own.

Harness the power of synchrony in worship by being a “worship leader instead of reader.” Look for ways to personally connect through your body language, movement, tone, and position. In the old days, they called this “charisma.”   See my other blog post on this subject at http://sundayresources.net/neil/2008/07/09/the-view-from-the-pew-what-every-pastor-needs-to-know/

Bill Easum, the respected church consultant, once said that churches should hire worship leaders –people who are GOOD at being up front and focused on the experience of worship and not just the message (though of course, the experience is part of the message!), –rather than first hiring a youth pastor. Not every preacher is good at worship “leadership” …building a sense of synchrony and affinity. Gifted worship leaders intuitively understand the needs of synchrony and affinity.

Create more affinity groups within your congregation. They don’t have to be permanent or monthly.  (A church I know of organized a “Men and Their Tools” group. They did some service projects together, and invited local craftsmen to come teach them the finer points of things like plumbing and show off new tools.)

Don’t SQUASH spontaneous synchronous actions, such as, “clapping.”  In some churches clapping is considered “unseemly.”  What a dumb opinion. It also sends the message that how you feel in worship (expressing your joy by clapping) is not welcome.

Hope this helps the discussion wherever you’re at.

7 Tips to Better Children’s Sermons

an article for Children’s Sermon Leaders by (Rev) Neil MacQueen, www.sundaysoftware.com

Thank you for being willing to deliver the children’s sermon at your church. Jesus welcomed children and said their wide-eyed child-like qualities were the gold-standard in the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 19:14). Your participation with them in worship is not only a blessing with lifelong consequences for them, -but can be a blessing to your spiritual journey as well. You’ve probably seen a lot of children’s sermons in your life and already have a sense of what passes for “good.” And you’ve probably winced at a few bad ones over the years too. What’s the difference between “good” and “wince”? I’ve delivered plenty of both! So let me suggest these 7 Tips to Better Children’s Sermons… all of which could be placed under the category of “Children First, Sermon Second.”

1. When you step forward to invite the children, make them feel invited!

Greet them as they come to you. Wait for the late-arriver to sit down. Make eye-contact. This will help YOU settle down too. Introduce yourself, and say things like, “I’m Jacob’s mom” and “Isn’t it fun to be up here on the steps at God’s house.” And smile! …some children have a fear of being in front of others, especially when there’s an unfamiliar adult up there. You’d think this would be obvious, but sometimes the pastor or adult leaders is UNaware of just how intimidating they can appear to a timid child.  Familiarity will help, but so will your body language, and what you’re doing when they come forward. I would often have a prop or papersack with me to make them more interested than afraid.

Sit or Stand? Some people sit down on the steps and let the children come forward, but I recommend staying on your feet AS they come forward -and sitting down later if the content permits. That way you can greet them, and you can step to the side- or bend to your knee if you see a timid one coming up, or begin to tap “helpers” if you’re going to do a demonstration. Each child is different. Some kids will balk at sitting near you if they see you on the steps waiting for them. Others will try to sit in your lap. If I sat down, I would also often get up to do something, and in particular, reach out to the kids who weren’t seated near me. Being primed to be playful and unpredictable is part of what makes the experience memorable. Nobody was ever quite sure what I was going to do, and that created and air of anticipation.

A long time ago a parent told me that her daughter was “scared of the man in the black robe”… which just happened to be me. Didn’t matter if I was standing or sitting. Funny thing was, she was the playmate of one of my kids and knew me well! Fair to assume other kids might have the same misgivings. I solved the problem by paying attention to who seemed a little bit intimidated about coming up front and giving them a little space as they approached. Then I did a number of things to put them at ease, including sweeping my robe’s billowy sleeves over their heads as they walked up, or tossing the end of my stoll at them. I’d often hold one of my story props as they approached which took the focus off me. At times, I would approach them ahead of time while they were with mom and dad and ask them to help me or bring the prop up to me when they came forward.   See #6 below.

“Invitation” goes beyond how you greet them. Invitation is also about the WARMTH of your presence and presentation. Some leaders are so focused on (or nervous about) what to say and do, that they forget to relate to the kids. One simple but effective way to structure this into your sermon is to take the time to ask questions, and then remember to deal tenderly with your response to their answers!  For example, when asking a question -to which a child has eagerly raised their hand but not gotten the ‘right’ answer, don’t just say, “no” and move on to the next hand. Take a moment to affirm the child. After the children’s sermon is over, give out a few high-fives, and make a point to acknowledge them in the cookie line after church.

2. Remember they are children when you speak.

If you use words that have more than 3 syllables or aren’t used in everyday language, then your words probably won’t be understood. If you use “church words,” such as “Grace” or “Forgiveness”, you need to unpack those words -or you might as well not use them. When using church words like “grace” …make sure you define what grace is either by an aside comment, by asking them to tell you, or by making such important words the point of your sermon. If you’re not good at speaking to children at their level, write out your children’s sermon -then force simplify your vocabulary, grammar, and concepts.

Once upon a time, children’s sermons included upper elementary age kids. But in many churches these days, they top out at around 2nd grade, and therefore your presentation must also. The younger they are, -the more you need to simplify your language concepts. See #4 below for more. 

3. Take your time and don’t rush.

If you rush you are wasting their time and yours. And keep it concise. Practice this discipline: write out your children’s sermon and then summarize it in one sentence. I knew a pastor who was so afraid of forgetting his summary sentence that he taped it to the top inside of the paper bag he always brought with him to hold his props. If you can’t summarize your children’s sermon in 15 seconds, then you probably can’t get it right in 3 minutes either. 
 

4. Avoid metaphors and object lessons.

Object lessons are easily identified by their “like” statements, as in, “I brought in this rock today to illustrate the point that God is like a rock in our lives.” The problem is that to a Kindergartner who thinks “concretely” -you have just taught them that God is a hard piece of stone and looks grey. Their minds cannot make the mental leap with you in the short time provided. Instead, use objects for what they are, -and avoid attaching symbolic meaning to them. (Use objects as PROPS to help tell a story. See #6 for more about this.) You can’t completely avoid metaphors (“like” comparisons) so stick to metaphors they understand: “God is like a good parent, a teacher, a coach” -but make sure you explain the metaphors.

A lot of wasted time and missed-opportunity has been disguised as OBTUSE object-lessons and CONVULUTED demonstrations. Some demonstrations are really just fun distractions. I love magic tricks and occasionally used them to illustrate what I thought was the point. “God makes the sin disappear!” But really, all I was demonstrating to the 6 years olds was “The pastor made a coin disappear from his hand, I wonder where it went?” (everybody loves these demonstrations, but they don’t teach the lesson to the younger kids). Use demonstrations sparingly and be sure to focus on “the point of it.”  Make sure the demonstration (or illustration) is focused on the point of the children’s sermon, and not some ancillary or obscure point. And make sure you slow down and explain this point!  (Better yet, tell a story…)

5. Tell stories.

If you want to describe faith or forgiveness, tell a story about it. Stories stick in the brain and the story can continue to teach its meaning after you’re gone. And practically speaking, storytelling grabs their attention quicker, keeps it longer, and it keeps you from groping for what to say next. See #6 and 7 for more about this. And make sure your stories are kid-friendly. Instead of a story about a man who went to work with his briefcase, tell a story about a boy who went to school. Note: you can make up your own stories! But… if the day’s scripture has a story in it, re-tell it.

Avoid stories from books, unless they are an overtly Christian story. Hearing a cute story about how a boy took care of a bunny is not a good illustration for the way God takes care of us. The point of children’s sermons is not to teach good morals, it’s to preach the word of God.

6. Use props in your story!

Props focus their attention. Their eyes will even track the prop as you move it. Props also put the storyteller at ease. But remember, a rock is just a rock to a 5 year old. They can’t quite understand that it is “the weight of sin weighing us down.”

Prop Suggestions: If you’re telling a story about when you were a little boy, bring a ballcap and toy. Involve the kids in your story by assigning roles and distributing props. For example, iIf you’re telling the story of the man let down through the roof, have one of the kids lay down on a blanket and put a bandage around their leg. Assign someone to be Jesus. And when it gets time to “lower” the man through the roof, you grab the blanket by the boy’s head (for safety) and let the kids grab the rest of the blanket and drag him a few feet towards Jesus. If you are telling the story of Moses talking to God on Mt. Sinai, throw a GIANT robe over the smallest girl and have her be Moses. If you’re telling the story of the disciples in the boat, have your oldest child lay down on a pillow you brought (and tell them not to wake up until you specifically ask them to) and during the story cue all the kids to shout “wake up Jesus.” And when it comes time for the waves to crash over the boat, don’t forget to sprinkle a little bit of water out of the squirt bottle you’ve secretly brought.

The secret to many successful storytellers and children’s sermon presenters is their props. Over the months and years, I would vary my delivery, and sometimes bring a big brown bag full of story props, which the kids eagerly awaited. There was a famous series of children’s sermon books called “Brown Bag Children’s Sermons” based on the idea of showing up with a bag of props which you revealed one at a time during the story. That bag sure got the kids attention. One Sunday, we told the story of Jesus and the 10 Lepers pulling 10 Barbie Dolls out of the bag (Ken was Jesus, of course), and made several of the boys hold them much to the giggles and grimmaces of the children. Years later in a Confirmation class, one of my students said it was one of his favorite stories because of that children’s sermon.Speaking of props…. YOU are a prop. Don’t stand or sit there stiff. Be animated. Especially with younger children (but also with all of us) our focus naturally goes to whatever moves. It’s a great way to keep their attention, especially when you’re trying to make your point. Props focus them. Your hands and facial expressions and where you move to will focus them too.

7. Last but certainly not least, make sure your message is God-centered, and not merely teaching some general moral or good piece of advice.

Ask this question about your children’s sermon: what is the Gospel in it? …what is the “good news about God” in it? In my experience watching other pastors and volunteers lead children’s sermons, this GOD-POINT is one of the things they most often leave out, or leave for the last moment of their children’s sermon. It happens because they run out of time, or didn’t think of the ‘point’ ahead of time. Children’s Sermons are not just sermons about “being good.”

HUGE TIP:  One of the ways I’ve “cured” myself of this teaching faux pas is to tell the kids the God-Point FIRST, -right at the beginning of my children’s sermon or Sunday School lesson (try it, it works!). And then reiterate it at the conclusion (and as often as you can during the presentation as well!).

The best way to make SURE that you’re God-centered is to always base your children sermon on one of the scripture readings from the day. This discipline of always basing your children’s sermon on one of the day’s Bible passages will also take the guesswork out of planning “what to teach.”  For more of my thoughts on children and youth ministry, look at my CE articles at www.sundaysoftware.com/articles

Copyright 2007. Updated 2010. Neil MacQueen, www.sundaysoftware.com
All rights reserved. Reprint permission granted for local church and non-profit teacher training use.

 Neil MacQueen is a Presbyterian minister, veteran of “the steps up front,” Children and Youth ministry writer and consultant,
and developer of interactive Bible software for children and youth.

 This article has been updated at www.sundaysoftware.com/articles/chsermon.htm

Is it hype? Nope, it’s a tool that I think is BETTER SUITED to what a PASTOR is trying to do –provide timely appreciated communication for free in an immediate and concise way, (rather than how some people are using twitter to blog the inane events of their daily lives). 

A twitter is a text message you broadcast from  your cellphone or laptop to other cellphones or email inboxes who have signed up to “FOLLOW” your “tweets.”  It’s not spam, it’s an “opt in” system.  

Tweets are limited to 140 characters, enforcing a discipline on preachers heretofore unheard of!

Update:
Since I first posted this there have been many reports of churches and pastors using Twitter in their ministry. Recently, I read about a pastor who Twittered scripture excerpts from 90 Psalms over the 90 days of summer to his members who had cell phones. It was a creative way to encourage people everyday, and help them stay connected during summer travels.  What a GREAT idea. 

Here’s why and how Twitter works:

Twitter is a text-message “broadcast” service that Time magazine calls “the next killer app.” Pastor signs up for a free account online. Then during the day or week, when the pastor has some noteworthy information (aka “a tweet”) to pass along to the members, he or she creates a short TEXT message on their cell phone or computer and sends it to Twitter via text message or via the Twitter website.  Twitter.com then broadcasts that short text message to every member who has signed up to “follow” the pastor’s twitter messages. 

• Daily Prayer Requests and Bible Verses
• Weekly Congregational News
• Reminders about meetings and special services

Messages can be delivered to cell phones, or via email or to their instant messaging box, –whichever form they prefer. But we’ll bet MOST will want them sent to their cellphone. “Followers” can respond to, or ignore twitters, or opt-out at any time.  No response to a twitter is necessary.

A “tweet” is limited to 144 characters, so the message must be kept mercifully short. It’s like an electronic postcard to your members. And you can send as many as you want, as often as you want. It’s free.

Pastors can have MULTIPLE twitter accounts for different purposes if you use the web interface to tweet. (if you will be using your cellphone to tweet, you can only create one acct per phone number). Here are some uses:

• Pastor Bob’s Daily Bible Verses
• Prayer Requests
• Bob’s Meeting Reminders
• Bob’s Bible Study Announcements
• Bob’s Staff Reminders
• Daily Reports from the Mission Trip

It’s easy to sign up, easy to use, and easy to follow another person’s twitter. You label your twitter account with your name, so other people can find you using twitter search, then you simply advertise that name to your members.  “Get my weekly updates on your cellphone!  Send the text msg ’follow Pastor Bob’ to 40404.”

• Bosses are using it to remind co-workers of important meetings and schedule changes.
• Kids are using it to announce weekend plans.
• News organizations are using it to broadcast immediate news on subjects of your choice.
• If you’re working with young adults who live with their cellphones 24/7, you should especially take note.

If you’re an “old fashioned” pastor who doesn’t use their cell phone much, or doesn’t text message, you can still tweet over your computer to those who DO use their cell phones and send/receive text messages everyday. Just sign up, and bookmark the twitter.com page to send your messages from there.

Did I mention all this is free?

<>< Neil

______________________

How to Twitter:

1. You need to go to www.twitter.com and sign up.

2. Next, go into your twitter ‘settings’ options on the website and add your mobile phone number and follow their verification instructions.

This will allow you to broadcast text messages to your followers using your cellphone.

To send out a twitter to your “followers” on your cellphone all you need to is type a txt msg on your phone  and send it to the following recipient: “40404″ (twitter’s U.S. text message number). Twitter will see it’s coming from you and broadcast to your list of followers.

3. Next, you need to INVITE friends and members to follow your Twitter by doing the following:

Invitation the hard way:
Send your would-be followers to twitter.com to sign up, and then tell them to ‘search’ for your name on twitter and click ”Follow”. That’s it. Now they’ll get all your text messages on their computer when they open twitter, or on their phone if they signed up to receive cellphone text twitters.

They can sign up their mobile phone to receive ‘twits’.  They can also download free mini-applications to their computer to place pop-up twitter windows on their computer desktop that opens everytime someone they are ‘following’ sends a twitter.

The easy way to Invite people:
Tell your would-be followers to simply SEND a TXT MSG on their phone with the following info:

• In the recipients field, type 40404  (twitter’s txt address)
• And in the message field, type “follow username“  (give them your username!)
• Press send. Now they’ve signed up to receive all your tweets.

  This automatically signs them up to receive your “tweets” without having to go to the twitter website and create an acct.

Here’s how YOU send ‘updates’ to your friends and “followers”…

Using your cellphone, type “40404″ in the recipients field, then type a message and press send.  Twitter will see your incoming phone number and know it’s you, and route your message to your list of followers.

or… log-in to your twitter.com account online and type an update msg in the “update” text field and press “send.”

 _____________________________________________

Quick Examples:

We focus the search on good preaching, but don’t focus on the prospective pastor’s ability to lead.
We elect officers largely on their attendance and giving (ie, their apparent support) rather than closely looking at their talents and leadership qualities.

Pastors are often chosen based on their ability to deliver a sermon, how well they impress the search committee, and what their hand-picked “references” say about them.  I graduated from seminary and served as a minister in two churches, and I can say without reservation that the skill set required to deliver good sermons and visit the sick is not the same as required to lead people in  innovative ministry and spiritual transformation.

If I were on a pastoral search committee I would be interested in their sermon and people skills, but I would also ask several things to gain insight into what kind of pastor this person was, -what skills they have and are trying to improve on. Here are some examples of the kinds of questions I’d ask:

1. What are the problems facing the church today and give me examples of what you’ve done to address those problems. I’d want specifics. Success stories, and failure stories. Then I’d ask the candidate’s personal references specifically about these stories.

2. What books have you read and seminars have you attended on the issues of “transforming the church” and “equipping leaders.” If they hesitate too long, or can’t provide specific answers, they’re making it up. If they aren’t doing the reading I wouldn’t hire them. If they leave off their “continuing education history” on their resume, ask for it in writing. You want to know what skills they are working on, and what their commitment is to continuing education.

3. Name the magazines you subscribe to that are church-related, and non-church related.

BTW… If I were on the PERSONNEL committee, I would ask the pastor these same questions EVERY YEAR as part of the review process. I would also PRESCRIBE seminars and skill sets which the committee felt the pastor needed.

The problem with most “references” is obvious: they are hand-picked friends of the person you are interested in. And even I can find three people who will say nice things about me    So here are a few interview tricks from the files of “Police Interrogation Tactics”: 

1.  Interview the reference more than once.
2.  Interview the reference AT LENGTH. People will loosen their tongue the more they talk.
3.  Ask them for dirt. They won’t give you the dirt the first time around, so ask them in a couple of different ways.
4. Ask them about their church -its strengths and weaknesses. Their answers may reflect the pastor’s strengths and weaknesses.

A few other questions I’d ask the pastor if I were on the search committee:

1. Name 3 mission trips/projects you’ve been personally involved with over the past two years.

2. What was your biggest program failure. 

3. How do you plan to reach out to visitors and new members.

4. What creative forms of worship have you personally been involved with over the past two years.

I would also ask to speak with 5 members of their church, and then ask those members about the prospective pastor’s “inspirational” skills. Are they a leader people want to follow? ]

___________________

We have the same problem choosing volunteer leaders.

And here I’m specifically talking about those leaders who are typically selected by a “nominating committee” to a church office,–Elders, deacons, chairpersons, etc.

The criteria by which they are chosen usually goes like this:

• Worship attendance
• Giving
• Niceness

The problem is that this nominating process usually overlooks skill sets, and you end up with half your leadership group ill-suited to the task. 

In one church I was in, this traditional criteria produced some difficult results…. The guy in charge of the Facility committee told me he had never done facility work in his life and wasn’t particularly handy either. But he was a good attender, giver and quite friendly. Just couldn’t get anything done. He wanted to be on the Worship Committee because he was in the choir, but they already had a leader there. The gal heading up the Personnel Committee was a middle-level manager. I really liked her. But not stepping on toes was her M.O.  The person heading up the Mission Committee was a secretary and very quiet person. All three of them were very nice caring people, but based on the results of their committees, each were in over their heads. (It would have helped if the pastor were actively involved in two of those committees, but he didn’t believe in attending full meetings, just 10 minutes or so of each as he circulated around on “meeting night.”)

The problem is usually worse in small congregations.
Small churches have a small pool of leaders to draw from. In a small church where I used to attend, they had an annual problem finding people to serve as elders and deacons. One year the nominating committee couldn’t fill the slots so they went into the annual meeting leaving an elder slot open to floor nominations. The person who got nominated (by their friend) was awful.  Another year their solution was to reduce the number of elder and deacon ”offices” they needed to fill each year.  Rotating members OUT of positions every three years didn’t help. They were trapped by a historical form of government. (The long-term solution is to grow the membership, but that’s another story)

There’s yet ANOTHER problem afflicting volunteer congregational leaders: most don’t like to step on toes. They stay quiet about their qualms. They don’t like to challenge the murky consensus.  When they don’t understand something, or don’t quite agree with it, they defer. 

They will question a bill at a restaurant, but stay quiet during the financial report.

They will launch a new business, but are risk averse when it comes to church initiatives.

What’s really ODD about that is that some of our volunteer leaders are VERY COMPETENT leaders in their daily lives. I’ve seen small business owners and CEOs sit on their thoughts and hands during meetings. They might tell you what they thought AFTER the meeting, but not always during it. They’re intimidated. And they tend to defer to the pastor.

Ideas for HACKING the “Volunteer Leadership Problem”

Chew on these…

1. Change “Where” you recruit from. Broaden your pool of volunteers and skillsets by looking at people who don’t fit the traditional defintion of “active member.” Some of the very best leaders I have worked with were DRAWN INTO LEADERSHIP and more active participation because they were recruited to help lead. It’s backwards, but it works!   I’ve seen marginal members renew their faith BECAUSE they were asked to lead. Yet the nominating process in many churches works exactly the opposite. Many members are excluded from consideration because they are considered marginal members.  Could it be that they are marginal members because they are not asked to help lead?

2. Look for inspirational people to become leaders. Some people “just got it.” And they have success largely because others “catch it” from them. Most can succeed at tasks outside their skillset because they are good at motivating others to help them.

3. Shake up the Make-up of your leadership groups. In particular, do NOT assemble a committee to “be the workforce.” Rather, seek out those whose skills and eccentricities are suited to the THINKING and LEADING you require. Worker bees are easier to find, but often can’t see the forest for the trees (or flowers for the pistil).

Take Worship for example. Many worship committees are made up of a representative from the choir, an usher, the old guy who does the tape ministry, the lady who organizes the communion schedule, the choir director and the pastor.  Where are the creative people understand the “visual language” of a sanctuary?  But where are the theater/drama-oriented volunteers? Where are those who want to expand beyond what the choir director and choir representative’s vision of “church music” ?  

Form follows function. If you want your committee to function as a source of creative ideas and dynamic change, don’t form it with worker bees.

Or consider the Mission Committee…  They are likely made up of people who have a heart for mission, but have no head for promotion and sales. They don’t understand why SO FEW in the congregation are willing to do more than just write a check.  A very effective volunteer leader once told me that, “the church is in sales, but it is run by bookworms and clerks.”  

Another example….  Many Personnel Committees are formed by the Pastor. The chair is even selected by the pastor. So guess what, -they function as a group of friends to the pastors, where in many cases, they need to be challenging the pastor. This is one place where the church should have CEO-types, and skilled human resource people serving on the committee independent of their level of activity in the church.

4. Hack Your Meeting Agendas to allow “leaders to lead” rather than report.

I believe most of our volunteer leaders start with good intentions and then get beat down by poorly led meetings and mind-numbing agendas and reports. The church simply doesn’t have time or talent to waste on such poor use of leaders’ time.  There are books on the subject. Here are a few pointers:

a. Don’t waste valuable face-to-face time on what people can read. Put the mundane in writing and send it out ahead of time.

b. Place the church’s initiatives and larger issues at the forefront of your agenda, not relegated to “new business” at the end of the meeting when everyone is tired.

c. Carve out a spot in every agenda for study and discussion of long range goals and planning. Do this at every level of church management, from the Council, to the committees, to staff meetings.

d. Appoint a small group of qualified people to handle the church’s financial matters at a time and place of their own choosing, rather than subjecting the entire leadership team to mind-numbing minutae. Appoint a watchdog leader to work with the group -who’s job it is to report back to and interpret the finance group’s work and requests. In the old days, we called these “the trustees.” Problem was, we gave them power of the purse strings. I’m not giving it to them again..

5. PRIVATELY and regularly poll leaders and members as to their attitudes about certain issues. “Open meetings” do not always produce “open discussion.”  Many people will not say how they really feel in the presence of staff, or in large groups.  Preachers and leaders need to have ways to listen.

These last four suggestions recognize the need to “Raise Up Leaders in the Way They Should Go.”  We need to have regular program of leadership training. Yet in most churches, this need goes completely ignored.

6. Invite outside facilitators to train leaders and help them discuss church issues.

7. Bring in outside leaders to inspire your own. Invite managers and innovative thinkers from your community to address and inspire your leaders. Invite leaders from other congregations to come share what and HOW they are moving their church forward.

8. Begin a “reading program” for your church staff and key volunteers. Identify several books which they should read and discuss together. Do the same with a wider group of volunteers as time permits. People will do better with a “full tank.”

10. Make “continuing ed” part of every meeting. In many churches, meetings begin with devotions and then move right into business. What I’m suggesting is that the “first order of business is adult education.” Bring in articles related to issues your group is dealing with. If you’re a mission committee, share articles and reports from the mission field and from the newspapers. Most newspapers carry articles about food pantries and local poverty issues. Share them, to learn what others are doing, to gain new insights, and to stay connected. But also consider articles from divergent sources, such as Forbes and Parenting magazine. They hold insights into how to deal with today’s members. Let insights from other fields INFORM your work.

Recommended Books:

“Good to Great” Pastors… and an interview with the author about the church leadership problem which echoes sentiments similar to those found in this blog post, including ‘about’ volunteer leaders.  http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2006/002/7.48.html

Christian Chaos: Revolutionizing Congregational Organization by Tom Bandy

Read any title from Easum Bandy Associates…. reknown church change consultants. www.easumbandy.com

7 Habits of High Effective People by Steven Covey. A bestseller. Take its 7 pts and discuss how a congregation and its leaders could employ each “habit.”

 Change Your Church For Good: Tipping Over the Sacred Cows, by Brad Powell

How to Change Your Church (without killing it) by Jim Mellado, Gene Appel, and Alan Nelson

Recommended Magazines for Staff:

Net Results -the magazine from Easum and Bandy.  www.easumbandy.com

Leadership Magazine -the practical journal for church leaders. http://www.christianitytoday.com/leaders/

If you have resources you’d like to recommend, please post them in a “comment” to this blog.

<>< Neil

…..and I wish I knew then what I know now. Which is to say, the congregation and worship you experience as “the pastor” is quite different than how many of us “members” are experiencing it.

From time to time I have tried to share my insights with the pastor where I was worshipping. Sometimes I was greeted with a quizzical smile. Sometimes with silence.   It takes a healthy ego to be a pastor, and a strong feeling that you are have your finger on the pulse of the congregation. But what I know now is that there’s often a HUGE difference between how a pastor experiences the congregation and worship itself, and how the avergage attender experiences things.

The first thing that’s different is how people treat the you before and after worship…

When you’re on staff, almost everyone gives you some form of recognition or acknowledgement on Sunday morning.

But when you’re a member, people walk by you. You are politely ignored by most people. Many don’t even know your name (or you -theirs) What this means is that the staff are probably the LAST people in touch with the church’s atmosphere, …what it’s like to be a member or visitor on Sunday. And while coming to church can be a personally invigorating and affirming experience for staff members, it can be something else for members and visitors.

The second thing that’s different is your point of view on the worship service and sense of engagement with fellow worshippers.

As a pastor, I had the best seat in the house…  and was able to look out and make eye contact with individuals, and watch their faces and feed off that energy. But as a parishoner in the pew, you see a lot of the backs of heads. You don’t get the “personal” connection to others that the pastor gets.  But when you’re a member, it’s harder to make eye contact with people because of the straight pews all facing forward. This can make worship feel IMPERSONAL at times. (Angling the pews would be a big help. One church where I have worshipped angled their pews so you can see the faces of those across the aisle.) “Passing the peace” is nice, but once it’s over, we’re back to looking at heads.

The third thing that’s different is the level of DISTRACTION in worship.

When you’re in the pew, you see and hear fellow worshippers talking, wiggling, writing notes, nodding off, grimmacing, etc. When you the pastor “up front” you don’t see a lot of these details. You’re too focused on what you have to do next. Unfortunately, if you’re a less animated pastor, or boring speaker, you have a lot of competition. Yes, the pastor sees everyone (and people NOT looking at them which is unsettling, tell you what), but from the pastor’s point of view the “commotion” is at a relative distance and rather constant, and the pastor is focused on leading. Whereas as a pew-sitter, the commotion can be right in front of you, and seems more distracting because the pew-sitter is in a waiting and listening mode. Without more words… it’s just different.

Which brings me to the fourth difference… energy level.

As a pastor, you are focused, your heart is pumping, and you have things to do. This makes the time go by much quicker. But as a person in the pew, time slows down. You can have long periods of not talking, not standing, and just having to sit and listen. Your energy ebbs when you’re sitting in the pew.

One place that I really notice this is during the Prayer Time.  The Pastors if GEARED UP for the prayer and plowing through heady concepts (usually written down), whereas as, being the SILENT PARTNER in the PEW your heartrate is lower, and you need more time to absorb the prayer. I can really “hear the difference” when the pastor starts to wind up the prayer time by reciting the Lord’s Prayer. MOST pastors lead the prayer TOO FAST because their adrenalin is flowing and they want to finish. Whereas my adrenalin has mellowed. Why? Because you’ve asked me to close my eyes and LISTEN.  Slow down. Drop your voice (we know the Lord’s Prayer). And while we’re at it, drop the Holy Joe language from your prayer. Strive for authenticity and variety. You don’t have to preach the gospel or recapitulate your sermon in the prayer).

Which leads me to my fifth observation… “you’re not as interesting as you think.”

In 13+ years of being a pastor in the pew, many sermons I’ve heard were good enough to go as LONG as they did.  I have often heard a good sermon that would have been made BETTER by being 5 minutes shorter.  As someone who has delivered a lot of sermons, I know how fast the sermon time can fly by. But look again at difference #4 above. As a LISTENER, my energy level is different than yours, and I’m dealing with more distractions.  So you have to be “interesting,” …and the easiest way to do that is to tell the Bible story, tell stories, share a personal story… story story story.  Save us from a babble of Holy words.

Corollary: Easily 2/3rds of the sermons I’ve heard have been delivered kinda flat. More inflection and movement please! …we’re sitting 30 to 50 feet away.

Which leads me to the sixth observation…   the pastor’s content is not as clear and organized as the pastor thinks it is.

I’d say about HALF of the sermons I’ve heard in the past 12 years needed better organization and less wandering. Shortening them would help, but tightening the subject matter would help too. Don’t put a golden thread through your sermon expecting the listener to follow your every twist and turn, rather, use a golden ROPE.

Segway to the seventh observation…  As a pastor, you’re more in touch with the liturgy and rituals that happen “up front” than the average person JUST WATCHING them from the pew.

When you just watch the pastor perform communion, for example, it looks more scripted and boring, whereas, when you are the pastor performing certain actions, you feel a sense of reverence and accomplishment in getting the details right.  From the pew, it appears to drag, or seem quaint.  Part of the problem is the repetitive nature of it, competiting with the distance and distractions, and an energy level often sapped by a “too long” mediocre sermon.

The Pastor’s Secret: Let’s admit it worship leaders…. There’s a sense of “spirituality” a minister feels when leading the people. You get to prepare, and you get to say the holy words and do the rituals. It’s fulfilling your life’s desire to be a minister. But in the pews, you don’t get that big a kick out of holy language and the pastor’s papal gear. 50 feet away it can look and sound small and distant.  [Corollary: Choir music is better when you're in the choir than when you're in the pew.]  It feels profound to step into a pulpit, but from a distance, it just looks like a lecturn.

Eighth Observation: It’s nice to hear other voices up front.

I know how time consuming it is to get volunteers to help lead worship, but it is SO REFRESHING to see volunteers read, pray, announce, and even occasionally preach -when they do it well.  Especially because we have to listen to your voice A LOT during the service, and for the 20-25 minute sermon, a variety of voices can really help me stay tuned in.  But please do us a favor and TRAIN your liturgists.

Ninth and final observation… When you’re on staff, it’s easy to remember what’s going on in the church. But as a member, it’s “out of sight, out of mind.”

When I was on staff, I ate and breathed the church calendar. But as a member, I need MUCH MORE of your help to keep me connected and reminded. One of the best things my former church home did was buy one of those Phone Tree machines. It called member homes with a pre-recorded message about upcoming events. At first, I thought it might be tacky. But it proved very helpful to a member who wasn’t thinking 24/7 about the church the way staff does.

Email is helpful too, especially to those of us who work in front of a computer.

#10…  Talk to your friends and family about items 1-9, I’ll bet they’ll come up with a #10 that surprises you

<>< Neil