All six churches we’ve been visiting have had a good message and authentic worship, and I realize that picking a church shouldn’t be just about “appearances” and first impressions. But here’s the thing: a lot of the things we experienced are probably things they would change if they could, …assuming new member outreach is important to them. And more typical visitors might be put-off by some of the things we experienced, and never coming back.

I know from previous church experiences that once I fall in love with a congregation, I start to ignore some of the negatives. We all do that, but that’s not necessarily a good thing for those trying to attract new members. Some visitors don’t get past the negatives, and many of those negatives can be easily negated! I hope these posts help you do that.

I usually don't wear my hat to church.

Do you know what is it like to worship as a visitor in your Sanctuary?

You’re probably so familiar with it that you don’t really know. Surprisingly, the CHOIR has loomed large in the “visual impression” we experienced in all six churches.

In our last three church homes, we didn’t have a choir sitting up front. Yet, four of the six churches we visited featured rows of be-robed people sitting behind or next to the chancel/communion table.  That’s new to us, and let me tell you, in some of those churches, watching people stare blankly back at you is not that appealing. It can feel –cold. This is especially true if the choir is mostly older folks staring blankly back at you, -as they have in several of the churches we visited. Old faces can look “dour” due to gravity. It’s simply an unfortunate reality, and as you can see by my photo above, I’m not immune to gravity.

But here’s the thing: Some of the choirs were more visually prominent than others, and thus, their appearance left a major impression on us sitting in the pews. In one church they dominated the chancel area, and thus our field of view for 60 minutes.  And many of these prominent folks looked particularly dour. It left an overall impression of an “old people’s church.” The bland matching robes probably didn’t help. As a visitor, I have no connection with those people, so I don’t know how wonderful they are. In two of the churches, the choirs were tucked away.

The appearance of the chancel (front) matters. It’s what we visitors form a strong visual memory about because you have us looking at it for an hour. It’s colors and textures tell us a lot about you. Some churches are trapped by their architecture. But we all know there are things that can be done to affect it. I’m just saying that it is IMPORTANT to US VISITORS who don’t know your congregation yet. When I think of each of the six churches, I see the chancel.

What you can do
1) Talk to the choir members about their unique visual role.
2) Improve the demographics of the choir, such as, adding some young people.
3) Be careful about designing worship space that features the choir at the center.
4) Give the congregation OTHER INTERESTING VISUALS to look at up front.
5) Make sure you liturgy, movement, and demeanor projects what you want it to project, especially if your building sends another message.

The Pastor Up Front
Like it or not, visitors are watching the pastor, –intently. I know this because I have been a pastor-in-the-pew for over a decade ow, and we are on our third town and church shopping experience. The pastor is a major impresssion, not only how they act, but how they appear and move and interact.

Five of the six churches we attended had pastors who presented a “friendly moving target”. One seemed frozen behind the pulpit or in their “talking spot out front” for the announcements. One in particular seemed happy and natural in his movements. Others seemed a bit stiff or uncomfortable or professorial at times. One had some ‘stagey’ moments, –movements that looked a bit theatrical rather than authentic. As we have shopped for churches, my wife and I realize that “how the pastor was up front” also matched our opinion of the church and desire to go back.

Perhaps not so coincidentally, I also liked the sermon of the “natural moving target” pastor the most. It felt more authentic and personal. Moving around as you speak, btw, has the added benefit of causing people to focus, -it’s a brain thing. Suggestion: As the pastor, you probably don’t know how you come across. Ask someone to video tape your next two worship services, then watch it with some trusted friends. If you discover you’re not what you should be, get some professional help, -there are people who train teachers, sales people and CEOs to give presentations. Every pastor could benefit.

Sunday Software, New Tools for a New Generation

The “appearance” of the pastor mattered to us
I was kind of surprised to see ministers in robes in all six churches. Was sort of expecting to see some in suits or sleeves -especially after being part of an island church for the past several years. Pretty ‘formal’ still up here in Florida. Wonder why? Some of them acted like they were in robes too… a bit stiff. Now let me get even more ridiculous about the pastor’s appearance….

In all six churches they wore robes, though not all black. I was MOST intrigued by the “stoles” some of them wore, as some were bright and very creative. And not having seen such regularly for the last couple of years, it’s something that definitely catches the eye and creates an impression. In general, I would say that the TYPE of stole they wore did indeed reflect their worship style and message. Also have to say that the pastor in the blue robe and two who wore white robes caught my eye the most. Blue is nice, and so is white as long as it has a colorful stoll. I’m laughing as I type this…. these are things I didn’t think I’d didn’t think I’d notice as a visitor.  But yeah, I noticed how you were dressed. A lot of little things, including sub-conscious things, go into forming the visitor’s impression, and FOR US plain-ness apparently isn’t appealing!

I enjoyed the services, though some more than others. The pastors all seemed relatively approachable and pretty good at being in front of people. But that’s not the same as ‘personally reaching out’ to potential new members like us. Like it or not, pastor, we visitors are trying to make a connection with YOU as much as the rest of the church. That means YOUR SERMON is a major factor. As visitors, we’re trying to figure out if we “can stand listening to this person every week.” If that weren’t so sad and impossibly true, it would be hilarious. I liked the pastors who moved around and shared some of their own life experience in the sermon. But I winced when they went back into “boilerplate theological language mode” during their sermons, as if their seminary professor was grading them.

This isn’t the post to talk about their sermon “styles”, but suffice to say, they were all interestingly different, and that means that WE as Church Shoppers are being presented with some interesting choices. For you in the church, it means you have some interesting competition.

Our experience meeting the pastors AFTER worship was an important moment, and I addressed that in my previous “Part II” post here. I would recommend every pastor read it.

What does your church “SMELL” like?
It’s something we noticed. We walked into one church and it smelled like a funeral home. Could be due to the flowers or to someone’s over-use of perfume, but back in the car after worship both my wife and I mentioned it as a turn off.  I have dust allergies, btw, and that makes my sinuses sensitive to certain floral smells. Hyacinth make my head close down.

Recently, my wife and I walked in a local grocery store that smelled like rotting meat. The next time it still faintly smelled like rotting meat, …and we stopped going there. There now exists a huge amount of research data on the importance of ‘smells’ in how people perceive things. Retailers everywhere are treating the air their shoppers are breathing. Churches take note. (Add: my wife and I are even comparing the lighting and natural light between sanctuaries. In our last church on the island of St Croix, we didn’t have pews and the sanctuary was also the fellowship hall, so it’s not that our standards are high. In one of the churches we visited here, there was almost no natural light. What I’m saying is that we are comparing YOUR facility to the others we are visiting. And if yours lacks light, or ambience or some modicum of attractiveness, it is probably working against your outreach. Just saying.)

In my software ministry, I made a fun game for kids about the reasons why we should worship and go to church, and the excuses we use to avoid connecting! Click the image to see the program.

Church Building, Signage and Website
As visitors, we first checked you out by visiting your website. And I have to say that the style and quality of the website did indeed match our opinion of the church after visiting. That’s not a good thing for some, as in some cases the website and signage reinforced our visitation experience. I’ve written a lot up here about “making a better church website”, and our visitation experiences here simply confirm my advice about freshness and great photos.

In 5 of the 6 churches, we also did a weekday DRIVE BY before coming on Sunday. That seems kindof funny to me, but I guess we really were “trying before buying.” I really don’t know what we were looking for… perhaps just a sense of “can I see myself walking in there?” What do people see when they drive by your church?

As people relatively new to the area THERE WERE TWO PIECES OF INFORMATION that we really needed:   A map and worship times. I’d make sure those were CLEARLY MARKED on your church’s homepage and not buried in some crazy drop-down-slide-over menu that takes you two tries to figure out. Because we drove by your church, worship times out front are also helpful. In three of the six churches, it would have been nice to have more clear parking signage (as in “more parking back here”).  And in four of the six churches, the “campuses” were complex enough that we weren’t sure where everything was when we decided to explore your campus after worship. Yes, we wanted to see your classrooms and fellowship areas. Probably trying to imagine ourselves in there.

Here’s an interesting point:
I’ve signed up at three of the six church websites for their email newsletters. The other three sites didn’t have this feature. If I were in charge of visitation at those churches that DID have email newsletters, I would be paying attention to who was signing up, and contacting them personally. I’m sure the pastor doesn’t know how to check subscriptions, so I’m going to suggest they find out! One EZ way to set this up: have the webform send a copy of every new registration to the pastor’s email address. Or give the pastor a link to check the subscription list. Better yet, call the visitor and offer to sign them up yourself.

Things we heard….

The Liturgist and Scripture Readers
In our last two home churches most of the scripture readers weren’t very good. Many of them stumbled through the scripture like they were reading it for the first time, misprounounced words, and read the text like a horse heading for the barn. In the six churches we’ve just visited, some readers fared better than others, but most I’d generously give a B-.  This includes some of the pastors who did their own reading. They tend to make it all one run-on passage, and voice every phrase and line and character like the next. As a visitor comparing experiences in various churches (let alone for the members!), this is something that attracts or distracts.

Why should scripture be read with any less preparation and PASSION than the music, prayers and sermon? One church did better than most, and it was the one with the Associate Minister doing the reading. We heard some “better than usual” lay readers, but there was plenty of room for improvement.

The Prayers in all six churches were decent, though some were better than others. It’s hard to “pray the list” of everything everyone thinks is important. I could easily tell who was “reading” their prayer, and who was “praying” their written prayer, and who was “making it up as they go” praying. I prefer to hear someone who has crafted a good written prayer and knows how to ”pray” it aloud from the heart, rather than “say it” out loud from a piece of paper. (Note: It should be a heartfelt prayer and not a thesaurus-infused sermonette.)

My best advice for all six church liturgies is to SLOW DOWN (and drop the seminary language). You’re excited up there, but we have been sitting still. You have put us in a contemplative mood. Don’t race, and don’t try to fit it all in. Not only will this minister appreciate you losing the boilerplate religious language, but so will your seekers who are looking for something different than their parent’s church.

Speaking of hearing…
The music in all six churches has been of varying quality but all within “okay”. That was a surprise, though in one of the churches, the playing of the organ/piano seemed a bit overwrought and overly loud. I’m not a big fan of church-y choir or organ music, so I’m not going to pick a church based on who has the best choir!  (as long as it isn’t hideous)  I’ve come to appreciate that the choir is a way for the musicians and singers to express THEIR faith, so I focus on how THEY are into it, if not me. Please however, see my comments above about “how you look up there.” Several of the churches offered a contemporary service and we’re looking forward to exploring those next. One church choir sang to recorded music with backing vocals. It felt strange to us. One church played some soft music “under” the prayer, and that seemed out of place for our denomination…. kind of like “the way they do it on tv.”

Two of the six churches used projectors during their services. As a media guy, I was intrigued by my response –having never regularly experienced media in worship. It was “just ok”. I still like to hold the hymnbook. One of the churches used the screen to show announcements before worship, including a prayer list. Liked that a lot.

Some final observations…

We don’t have young kids, but we think they are a sign of a healthy congregation. In three of the churches we visited, we saw very few signs of a healthy kids ministry, very few kids (almost none in two churches), and when we went looking for classrooms we were rather disappointed in most. Yes, we’re in Florida, the land of retirement, -but all these churches had neighborhoods around them. It made us wonder “what’s wrong?”

After sorting out our impressions about worship in these churches, we are also looking for adult education and fellowship opportunities. Each of the churches we visited offered something somewhere in their calendar, and in two churches we were actually invited to come to a fellowship meal. We haven’t gone yet, but that invitation DID mean a lot to us. Worship is the place we need to feel comfortable in first, and if we don’t, your program won’t matter. One church had a visitors booth attended by a smiling couple with brochures on various ministries. That was impressive, but strangely enough, they didn’t ask us for our information. The one that gave us a Visitors Bag was also the most proactive about greeting us before and after the service, and asking for our contact info. Fortunately for us, the rest of the service and pastor also seemed pretty good, so we’re definitely going to give that church a LONG LOOK.

I hope you’ve found my 3-part “Visitors” discussion helpful, and pray that something in it helps your church’s outreach to visitors. I realize there are different churches for different folks, but in all my church shopping experiences over the past 12 years (yeah, we’ve moved three times!), I’ve often thought, “do they know how they come across?” and “you know, if only they would ___________.” Mostly, I realize HOW LACKING MY OWN LEADERSHIP has been in this area when I served in the pastorate. It’s been instructive seeing it from the pew, and some of the fixes are thankfully easy. I hope my experiences and suggestions stimulate discussion in your church and help your ministry.

We’re really excited about connecting with a new church home, and that’s the goal of all these posts…. to help churches turn visitors into members for the Glory of God.

<>< Neil MacQueen
www.SundayResources.net and www.sundaysoftware.com

We’ve now visited six local congregations in our new town looking for a new church home, several of them two or three times. Over the past 12 twelve years my family and I have moved three times, and thus done church shopping in three different places. Hoping this next church will be the last.

I’m sure each of the six churches would say that “welcoming visitors” was an important ministry. Each church seemed nice, had a nice service, and seemed to be doing some good ministry. But with the exception of one, their outreach to visitors was not one of those things, -if our experience was typical. More importantly, what they COULD HAVE DONE BETTER would have been very EASY TO DO. As I mentioned in Part I, we’re probably not your average visitor, especially considering that I’ve pastored churches. We also know we need to ‘overlook’ some shortcomings. The question is, will other visitors do the same? And why should a church leave stumbling blocks in place if they can easily be moved? With that in mind, here are some suggestions for you…

Dear Pastor,

1) Please have your CARD ready in your pocket when visitors walk up to you. None did. It will give you an opportunity to break the ice and extend an invitation for contact. Then do #2…

2) Please have a note card and pen ready to write down our names and a phone number as we come through the line and introduce ourselves.  We have signed six pew pads and marked ourselves as “visitors” but didn’t include contact info. In my experience, most visitors don’t. (We did, however, write a check for each offering that did have our contact info on it. This could be important information for a pastor. To date, only one of the six churches has gotten in contact with us, and that may be because I already knew the pastor.)

In the six churches we have visited, none of the pastors did either of these two things, and only TWO of the nine pastors in the six churches we visited followed up on us. I already knew two of the nine by acquaintance, and one of them did email me and invite me to a Bible study. One of the Associate Pastors invited us after worship to contact him, but didn’t have a card with him, and we had already put our church bulletin in the recyle bin by the door. On a subsequent visit, he greeted us again as we walked out and invited us again to contact him. I told him that I had put my email address next to my name on the pew pad. That was four weeks ago, no contact yet. (Yes, I guess you could say this is sort of a test. But I promise, we will not pick a church based on the perfection of the pastor or myth of our own infalliability! But is contacting a potential new member a good idea? Yes.)

3a) After worship, by the time we got to the pastor via the line, five of the six of you looked shell-shocked and worn out. I understand you’re a bit exhausted by worship and the greeting line. Been there! But as a visitor, we’re looking for a connection of some sort, and not just a worn smile. You should have a stock line you ask visitors to open up a bit of conversation.

One pastor, after saying “hello”, physically turned and stepped away from us for a moment to greet someone else, then turned to speak to us again. He seemed like a nice guy. Even after he talked to us, however, both my wife and I thought he seemed uncomfortable. This is someone who needs training because like they say, you only get one time to make a first impression.

In Part I of this series, I note the one pastor who was welcoming people BEFORE worship. That was nice.

Sunday Software, New Tools for a New Generation

3b) Free up time and space in the greeting line. Suggest to your long-time regular members that they bypass the greeting line if they see it is too long. And ask your members to talk to others in the line instead of shuffling quietly forward.

4) Tell your greeters/elders to stick with visitors they greet and offer them a tour, show them to the coffee (it’s not that easy to find in some churches), and introduce them to others, including the pastor. I’m happy to report that in every church there were members who took the time to talk with us. One couple in one church was especially welcoming, and that was a church we wanted to return to for a second visit.

One church did a great job of greeting us before and after the service, both the members and the pastor. One. (I talk about what they did in Part 1 of this series.)

5) During the “passing of the peace” one pastor did a wonderful thing. He asked his members to stand up FIRST, and look around to see the visitors seated around them. Then he asked the visitors to stand and everyone to pass the peace. It was very effective, and was exactly the opposite of asking nervous visitors to identify themselves first. After worship, several members made sure we were welcome. The following Sunday we went back to that church and he did NOT do it. And guess what, …NOBODY welcomed us after worship.

6) Okay, we signed your pew pad, BUT…. did you look at it the following week? I told one pastor I had signed and put my email address on it. No contact to date. We signed pads in most of the churches, and some fellow pew sitters did look at our name when it was passed back. But not everyone looked or passed them.

We have identified TWO churched we’d like to get to know more. Other than a nice worship experience, here’s what attracted us to them:

a.  The presence of families. Here in Florida, aka “God’s waiting room”, that’s not a given, but we think it’s a sign of health.

b. Pastors and liturgist with energy and a sense of joy.

c. Pleasant worship surroundings. (warm colors, textures and character). (Actually, one of the churches is in borrowed space, but it was their people who provided the warmth and texture!) Some of the other churches were nice and clean, but were nothing to write home about. When you are looking for a new “home” church, things like surroundings matter.

d. Good sermon.  (Which I would say includes the defintion: “5 minutes shorter than you think”. All six churches have had good sermons, but each could have been shorter.)

e. Alternative worship opportunities that look interesting.

f. Interesting Adult education choices.  “A year long study on The Gospel of Mark” isn’t very appealing to a visitor. Would have liked to have had adult ed immediately after worship too. This is something I’ve noticed about our “visitation” choices. We didn’t choose to come to adult ed before the service, but after the service, when we were already there, we would have stayed had you had an offering right after (and not 30 minutes later).

Interestingly, “proximity to our home” has turned into only a passing consideration. The two we are looking at more closely are 20 to 25 minutes away.

Check out my 1st and 3rd posts on this subject at http://sundayresources.net/neil/category/lam/ Each has some different observations and some suggestions for doing things better.

<>< Neil

This post is from http://sundayresources.net/neil/2012/04/09/looking-for-a-new-church-part-ii/

Learn more about Neil’s interactive lesson software about the
Ten Commandments at www.sundaysoftware.com/tenbrief.htm

I would never pick or discount a church based on one visit, but I think that’s what many ‘regular’ visitors do. First impressions matter. I hope the following helps your outreach to visitors.
————————————-

My wife and I are looking for a new church, ….again.

Having recently moved from St Croix to Sarasota Florida, we have been attending local churches in search of a church home. Several years ago in this blog, I wrote about the uncomfortable reasons why we left a former church (that post is in my “Neil on the Loose” category). Then in 2008 I wrote about finding our new home church on St Croix. Both were imperfect churches that we fell in love with, which as imperfect people meant they were a good match.  But each experience has helped sharpen our sense of what we’re looking for, and what we want to avoid. Having now made a permanent move to Sarasota Florida, we are on the hunt again, and needless to say, it has been interesting and enlightening.

Point of View:
Not only do churches want and need visitors, but my wife and I are also probably the kind they would really appreciate walking through their door. Why? Because WE ARE READY TO THROW OURSELVES INTO YOUR CHURCH -if you can get us to come back.

I am a Presbyterian minister doing a publishing ministry, and my wife is a former elder in the Church. I love to do C.E. and she loves fellowship and study. When we join a church, we come regularly, we sign up for stuff, we say “yes” when asked to help, and we give. We don’t expect a perfect church (see my comments about that below), but we are admittedly impressionable, attracted by friendliness, expecting to be reached-out-to in some way after we visit, are on the look-out for dysfunctions we’d just as soon not discover too late, and we do have some basic expectations.  So we are visitors with our radar up, and I imagine this is true of MOST visitors.

INITIAL OBSERVATIONS

The FIRST THING we did to LEARN ABOUT your church was go to your website. In fact, I first looked them up on my iphone. Do you know how your church website looks on a smartphone? Many don’t look that good. We googled churches in our area. Does yours show up high on the list? If it doesn’t, then we might not have seen you.

At only once church did they ask us “how did you find us?” In retrospect, that’s a good question each church should have asked. When we told them “via the web” they acted surprised.

We then did a weekday “drive by” of your church. Weird, I know, but it’s all part of the process. How’s your church look in a drive by?

Next, we checked your site to see if you had a children and youth ministry, and adult education offerings.  I personally consider the existence of such basic ministries A SIGN OF A HEALTHY CHURCH –even though our own kids are grown. This may seem like an obvious thing for a church to have, but I kid you not: TWO of the churches we have attended did not have a Sunday School, and none of these were small churches. In fact, in two of the churches we saw zero children.

Sunday Software, New Tools for a New Generation

We also read your  online “ABOUT US” statement.

I can’t imagine a visitor wanting to waste time visiting a church that will make them wince. But it’s more than just beliefs… we’re reading your tone and personalityand beginning to form an impression about you. You can tell A LOT about a church by the way they describe themselves.The “about us” statements I’ve been reading at many church websites often read like a conservative catechism (oy!) or seminary exercise (double oy!).  You are welcome to BE those things I may disagree with, but please BE SOMETHING MORE than just a pile of theological words. Preferably, PLEASE SOUND INVITING and ACCESSIBLE, –and leave off the boilerplate and flowery language, -unless you want me to conclude that this is how you really are.

(For more of what I consider to be a “better church website” go to posts in this blog at http://sundayresources.net/neil/category/churchsite/)

Next….we looked at worship times.
Seriously, 9 am for Worship?  8:30 AM for Sunday School? Who are they kidding. My wife works nights and some weekends. Not all of us like to get up early. 10 am is our “visitor” starting time, and begrudgingly 9 am –once we become members and get hooked.

ONLINE SERMONS MATTER, but…
I skimmed the pastor’s online sermons at four of the church’s we’ve visited. One didn’t have any.  Disappointingly, I didn’t read ONE that I thought was that good in writing, that is, until I clicked the “audio sermon” option on one site. It made me realize how important the AUDIO SERMON is to the quality of the content and judging  “the voice” of the sermon and pastor. With one of the pastors, I’m glad we heard them in person because their online content didn’t do them justice.

In our last church home, I did the website and wondered if anyone listened to the entire audio sermons. I THOUGHT it was important that they did.  Now I realized I WAS A LITTLE WRONG about that.  As a visitor this past month perusing your websites, I just wanted to get A TASTE of the preacher’s voice and demeanor. That was enough. Didn’t need to hear the whole thing. Word to the wise.

WALKING IN

All the churches we’ve visited so far did a nice job of greeting us as we walked in. And I have to admit, it felt good to be stopped and greeted.  One, however, immediately asked us to fill out a “hello” nametag rather than just talk to us. We put them on, then noticed that NO ONE ELSE in the congregation had a nametag, –not even the greeter at the door. The people did notice us during the passing of the peace and glanced at our tags. However, immediately following the service, NOBODY SPOKE TO US –except the pastor in the receiving line.  And neither my wife nor I can remember anyone at that church greeting us with THEIR NAME. (In subsequent churches this improved a little bit, but not much).

At one particular church they did an awesome job of greeting us. Several people came up to us, and I noticed one greeter get the pastor to come over and greet us. This pastor’s welcome contrasts to the huge mistake I used to make when I used to pastor a church. I hid out in the wings just prior to worship, making a few last notes, etc, –when I should have been out greeting people.

That same “awesome greeting church” also gave us a “Visitor Bag” –and I have to say, that impressed us. It had a colorful plastic cup with the name of the church on it, a newsletter and very nice brochure about the church. That was also the church where the pastor greeted us BEFORE worship and After, and emailed us on Monday. By contrast, in two other churches we visited where they did an ‘ok’ job of greeting us, –one had a visitor’s booth that waited for us to go up and get stuff, and neither of those churches ever followed up on our visit.

That “awesome greeting church” was also the only one of six that MADE SURE they had our contact info. After worship, one of their greeters asked us to write down our contact info and stayed to get it from us. Of course, now wondering if they’ll follow up on it in some way. See my suggestions about GETTING VISITOR CONTACT INFO in POST II on this subject at

WALKING OUT

Of the six we visited, only in 3 did people really try to engage us after the service. We joined the exit line to greet the pastor and most people just smiled. At two churches AFTER worship we stood around wondering what to do rather than just leave. Neither had anything planned other than coffee immediately following the service. The class “one-half an hour later in the parlor” at one of the churches doesn’t count because as visitors we weren’t going to stand there for 30 minutes. Had there been a group discussion a few minutes following, we would have walked in.

After worship in one church I had a GOLDEN INSIGHT.  In that church after worship only one person spoke to us as we milled out of the service. He was welcoming and enthusiastic about the church for a minute or two, but then as we entered the narthex, he left us to go talk to his friends. (Should have taken us over to introduce us around, IMHO, but I digress).  We stopped for coffee on the way out and accidentally bumped into a lady who immediately chatted us up. It gave me two good ideas…

1)  EVERY CHURCH should put a “greeter” by the coffee (not a server) to watch for visitors. Indeed, being greeted AFTER worship is as important as being greeted as we first entered your church. In sales, I supposed they would call this “sealing the deal”. We had questions and impressions AFTER worship and it would have been interesting to engage someone. But few churches engaged us after worship, and the line leading to the pastor, and pastor him/herself is a bit of a hog-wrassle.

2) Coffee should be strategically located between your visitors and The Exit, and clearly marked.  As a visitor in many churches over the years, there’s this golden minute or so of “what should we do now?” as you exit worship.  If we make it to the door without an invitation, we’re probably gone. And in a crowd, the coffee table is not so easy to find.

“PEOPLE LIKE US”
After the first couple of church visits, it became apparent to us how IMPORTANT the congregation’s demographics were to us. In the first three churches we visited, we were some of the youngest people in the service (and I’m 52!) In one church, my wife and I were definitely the youngest. Granted, we are in Florida, but there are plenty of un-retired folks living in the neighborhoods around those churches. Somehow, those congregations had driven themselves into a demographic hole. In one church they volunteered to us that they wanted to attract young families. They had a new minister and had just built a new million dollar sanctuary. But the minister appeared to be in his late 50′s, and they had no Sunday School. We wondered what dysfunction had allowed this to happen, but decided not to go back and find out. (The cost of their new sign would have paid for a part-time family ministry and new members pastor, …but I digress.)

I feel like I should say it again that we are not looking for the perfect church.
We are looking for one that “feels right” to us. One with an authentic air; one that seems friendly,  -one that has a “family feeling” in worship and not stiff, -and a message that comes across as heartfelt and hand-crafted, and not book-crafted or bland. We are looking for a minister who doesn’t put us to sleep -but also isn’t in a rush.

Now About the Ministers

All the ministers we’ve met have been nice, and each has been interestingly different. I’m sure I would enjoy hanging with each of them.

All the sermons we’ve heard have been interesting, though many lacked a bit of what I call “self-story”, disclosure, i.e. “what it means to me in my life” –that moment when the preacher because the listener.As visitors (and members) we can’t separate the message from the messenger. We’re listening for how YOU connect. This goes to our overall impression of your authenticity and approachability, and how we feel about coming back for another visit. Some of you did well on this score. Others need to work on it. (I make a few suggestions in subsequent posts here.)

Seems like many ministers I’ve known have two personalities: Public and Private. I find it disappointing when personable pastors put on their “holy formal” demeanor when they get up front. Noticed that in several churches we visited.

It would have been nice to be contacted by a church after we visited.
Only two of the eight pastors in the six churches have done so, –and they did it via email. No pastors have called. None have asked to visit. And we haven’t been contacted by any volunteers either. I found this odd because one of my jobs as an Associate Minister was to call/contact/visit the visitors, and several of the churches we visited expressed the importance of welcoming visitors in their liturgy, print materials, and website.

So Here’s a Tip:
Give us a “hello call” Sunday evening. Then send us a personal email on Thursday or Friday saying you hope to see us again on Sunday and mentioning what’s going on. As a visitor we begin discussing “where do we want to go THIS Sunday?” late in the week, and often on Saturday. A well-timed invitation might help us come back.

When asked about my background, or what I did for a living (which was rare, and usually I volunteered the info), I identified myself as a minister on the loose, and my wife and I said we were looking for a new church home. Many of the congregations here in Florida have retired ministers in them (though I’m not retired). I don’t know if that’s why they didn’t follow up on us. But why should it matter? (I realize these pastors are busy busy people with lots of mouths to feed. But reaching out to ALL potential new members in even a simple way would seem like an easy and important thing to do.)

I haven’t mentioned it yet, but the church music a major feature of any visitor’s experience, has been “okay” in each of the churches we’ve visited. One was really well done, but sounded a bit “high-church” for us. In several services we sang off of projected screens, which was new to us, and I have to admit it felt a bit strange and disconnected as a visitor who hadn’t previously experienced that.  In Post II, you will read more about how much the VISUAL impression of the choir loomed large in several church (and not necesssarily in a good way).

More to come…!

See all three posts on this subject at my Neil on the Loose category of posts
 

Seems harmless. But to many of us coming in the door, it comes across as passive aggressive, -judgmental. “Missed you last Sunday” sounds a lot like, “You should have been here.”

Worse, it sounds too much like our mother saying, “Where were you last night?” And indeed, some pastors and parishioners I’ve met mean it exactly like that. They didn’t really miss you. They want to know why you weren’t there. And even if they don’t, that’s what it makes you feel like. …and nobody likes that feeling.

I accept that some pastors say “Missed you” without even thinking about it, and probably without any twinge of judgementalism. But the effect is often the same: you feel judged.  So I offer this advice: 

There are some things a pastor SHOULDN’T SAY,
….and “Missed you last Sunday” is one of them.

The problem isn’t just with the pastor. Well-meaning (?) CHURCH members often say the same thing, only they’ll come right out and say, “Where were you?”  In fact, in every church there seems to be one person who excels at it, and I know exactly who it is at my church (and indeed, when I was on staff, it was regrettably sometimes me).

I find it interesting that even when I have a “good” excuse –I still feel a bit defensive and guilty when someone “misses” me. And no, that’s not just me, ask around. (Update: an hour after I posted this someone emailed and said “me too!”)

About the only two “good” excuses people seem to accept are: “I was out of town,” and “I wasn’t feeling well.” God-forbid I slept in, or overslept, or went diving, or went out to breakfast, or went to watch my kid play in a soccer tournament.

Funny thing is, if I say, “I wasn’t feeling well”, they understand. But if I say, “I’ve been tired and needed to sleep in”, or, “my daughter and I wanted to go diving and it was her only day off,” then I’m probably in for  a “must be nice” response.

Okay, some of those excuses are probably not “good” excuses, but choosing to occasionally do something different than going to church is not a “bad” excuse either. In fact, I hate the fact that I’m even using the word “excuse” here. Attendance is not a measure of godliness. (See my “thought” question at the end for more on this).

Aside: When I was a church staff minister, I wasn’t fully aware and paid little attention to the SUBTLE POWER I had to CONVEY GUILT.  And since leaving the pulpit to reside in the pew, I’ve come to appreciate how MY attendance not voluntary, but PAID FOR. For 20 years it wasn’t an option to NOT be there, except when I was on vacation. Now that I’m a pastor in the pew, volunteering on staff (while running my CE software company during the week), I have a REAL CHOICE not to go to church. It was an eye-opener for sure, and there are many other posts in this blog about WHAT ELSE I’ve learned.

I know from experience that many people feel the same way I do about this subject. And if REGULAR MEMBERS feel this way, imagine how the “irregular” members feel when we ask them where they’ve been?  (in our subtle ways, of course).  In fact, with our irregular members, “Missed You” could be doing more harm than good.

Why? Because nobody likes to feel guilty or judged, …even if you didn’t intend to make them feel that way.

Guilt often backfires, especially among those of us reared under “Grace” instead of “Damnation”. We don’t equate NOT being there with lack of faith. Problem is, we still feel guilty about it.  (Such is life.)

So my point is, DON’T HELP US by making us feel MORE guilty. Rather, LISTEN to what we’re saying to you. Listen to how we spent our time, or what we felt our needs were, and respond to those.

____

I’m especially concerned about how we unwittingly GUILT the kids and teens…

Years ago, I had this conversation with one of the teens at our church. Only later did I realize how it had affected her, and what a missed opportunity it was for me as her minister.

Amy: (slinking in another door to enter the Sanctuary)

Neil:  Hi Amy, Can you come to Youth Group tonight? (he said walking towards her)

Amy: No, sorry, I’m running tonight.

Neil:  (not listening) Oh, well, we miss you in youth group. We’re playing volleyball tonight.

Amy: Sounds like fun. I feel awful about not being able to come.

Neil: Well, maybe next Sunday.

Amy:  (Cringing)  Oh, sorry, I can’t make that either, I’m so sorry Neil!  (Amy goes into Worship.)

The following week I found out that Amy was in the state track meet and won first place in the mile. Sunday night was training, and the following Sunday was the meet.
What I should have done and said was affirm her, ….and brought the youth group to see her!  But all I did was end up with a kid who avoided me most Sundays, because nobody likes to feel like a slacker.

___________________________________________
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
How many of your members feel guilty about not attending sometimes?

What will they tell you are the subtle ways the church/pastor “makes them” feel this way?

What are some better ways to inquire about people’s lives without sounding like “missed you last Sunday?”

____________________________________________

Advertisement: I made a software game about “The Importance of Going to Church.” It’s called, Attack of the Sunday School Zombies CD, www.sundaysoftware.com/zombies, and deals with the ‘excuses’ some people make for not going, and the poor attitude some people bring with when they DO go! (How funny is that?)

Having led many “Pastoral Prayers” over the years in several churches, I think it’s one of the most CHALLENGING parts of worship, and one that needs improvement. …And the past two months spent looking for a new congregation to call home in our new town has done nothing to dispel this conclusion. Some prayed “okay” but only one was rather compelling and heartfelt in his public prayer, and oddly enough, he was a retired minister.

Honestly, I never felt quite comfortable delivering it because I didn’t have a really good “Holy Joe” voice. I’ve always felt that prayer was something more personal, and less “speechy.”  And as a “pastor in the pew” I’ve listened with some inside experience to a lot of other pastor’s Pastoral Prayers.

Having come at it from both directions, and tried many tweaks, I offer these insights and suggestions with the hope of stimulating your own.

Here are  8 “problems” with the Pastoral Prayer and the Pastor who delivers them, and suggestions for change.

1. The Audacity of thinking one person or one prayer can pray for a whole group of people, and meet their needs.

I’ve often mentioned this “audacity” to congregations, both before and during the prayer, and occasionally in a sermon. This helps them (and me) with our expectations, and gives permission to change. Many have a rigid idea of the correct form of the prayer.  I’ve told them some of the things on my mind, and let them know if I was going to leave space for their silent prayers (such a concept!).  I’ve mentioned to them that when I pause, it’s not because I’ve lost my place, but because I’m leaving space for their thoughts. They like that.

In particular, I’ve found it helpful expand on ideas such as, “Lord, how should we speak to you?” “How can we pretend to speak when we have failed to listen?”  “What words suffice when our hearts are heavy with…”

One of the most well-received forms I’ve used is what I call “The Pause Prayer.” I tell the congregation that I’m going to introduce an idea, and then CUE them to pause to let them think about it in their own prayer, then after 10 seconds, move on saying “Lord, hear our prayer.” I’m sure you’ve experienced some form of this prayer.

Sometimes you see these “Pause Prayers” written in the program as litanies.  I’m not a huge fan of litanies, because reading doesn’t feel like praying. Too many litanies sound like sermons, or worse, –the prayer writer’s attempt to impress people with their Holy Joe skills. Even litanies with space for silent prayer often leave people looking at the printed text and wondering when the pastor is going to start up again.

(Note to pastors: When you put us “in the mello mood of silent prayer, don’t burst-in over the microphone with a loud voice. SOFTLY cue us back into listening.)

2. The TUG between the “Holy Joe” language of public prayer-leading versus the heart-felt ramblings of personal prayer.

From time to time I have written out the prayer using no “Holy” words, instead using common language to express the same idea. It has taught me to keep it real. It sounds more authentic and makes prayer-as-something-I-should-do-more-often more accessible to the average worshipper. I’ve also slowed-down and let silence fall between ideas in my spoken prayer… to let the people feel the comment, process it, and converse with it. Pastoral Prayers should not be speeches.

“Holy” language can backfires on our intent. We want our people to pray, but if we set the “language bar” for prayer too far above the average person’s verbal level, we are undermining their feeling of adequacy. Flowery prayer sound powerful to some, but it has also taught generations of people to be stiff and formal in their own prayers, or left them not praying at all because they feel inadequate. (And you see the effect when the pastor asks someone else to lead a prayer…  the comfort level and language ain’t there.)

TRUTH: One of the reasons pastors fall back on “holy language” is because it’s easier to write “holy” prayers, than heart-felt. And pastors often leave the pastoral prayer to Sunday morning’s preparation when they are busy polishing the sermon and doing countless other things.  This is one of the reasons the “preacher” should not lead the pastoral prayer. Or at least, should focus on it prior to Sunday morning.

BTW… I think the Pastoral Prayer should be written out, and not extemporaneous. Meaningful ad-libbing is fine, but when you’re praying for a group, you have a responsibility not to get tongue-tied or have brain-freeze.  Writing out the prayer will also help you avoid boilerplate Holy Joe prayer language that you fall back on when your brain infarcts!

[Holy Joe Addendum:  Why do some pastors affect a "somber voice" when praying? I noticed this recently while visiting several churches. Is a prayer a mini-funeral?]

3. The Lack of Variety when one person is the regular prayer leader.

Pastoral Prayers should not always be led by the pastor!  That’s not what “pastoral” means. Elders should be invited to pray, and perhaps should be taught in a “pastoral prayer workshop” once a year.  There are books of prayers, and many online sites with new prayers submitted from many different traditions. MINE them.

4. The “Exhausted Pastor Syndrome”...having to lead the prayer after a lengthy exhausting sermon.

Take my word for it… after a sermon, the preacher’s mind is exhausted and still whirling.  Therefore, either a) Find help to do the prayer, or b) put several worship items between the sermon and the prayer in the program.  And if you ARE that exhausted pastor, have your pastoral prayer written out ahead of time, otherwise you’ll fall back on Holy language and platitudes.

5. The Pastoral Prayer Shopping List. “The form” we have been taught goes like this: Praise to, Thanksgiving for, prayers about the world, the community, and lastly us.   It’s too much. It turns the prayer into a check-list.

There is no rule that a pastoral prayer has to start off with praise and thanksgiving. You can go right to the personal stuff. While these other elements are important, other parts of the worship service can (and do) deal with them. Give TIME to subjects in your prayer. Rather than viewing your pastoral prayer as a “catch all”, let other parts of the service carry some of the weight. View the service content in an integrated fashion, rather than as separate items with their own agendas.

6. The Horror of Things Left Out. …the pastoral prayer as lip-service to the disaster of the day, impending holiday, or other noteworthy event one must mention. Failure to mention it will certain mean it gets mentioned to you at the end of the service! Create a practice where you invite people to submit suggestions for the prayer. And then always look at your calendar and the morning paper before writing your prayer.  Doesn’t hurt to check CNN or your text messages and email.  Make a habit of inviting prayer concerns prior to the beginning of worship.

(I’m NOT a huge fan of inviting prayer requests DURING worship. Inevitably a few people dominate, and many who won’t speak in public won’t share in public either. It also takes too much time in worship. Sad, but true.)

7. The Pastoral Prayer as Sermon Summary. In a word, “don’t“.
IMHO…  Using the prayer to summarize the sermon is the worst thing that can happen to the pastoral prayer. “Touch on” a key point or allude to something, yes, –but recap? No!  If your sermon isn’t memorable enough without including it in the pastoral prayer, you have a sermon problem.

8. The Adrenaline-Rushed Pastor speeding through the prayer.

CHANGE three things:
a) Cut your prayer word count, then you won’t have to rush.
b) Start the pastoral prayer with silent prayer, and remember to pray yourself (for one thing it lowers your heartrate).
c)  Let someone else do the pastoral prayer.

Many speakers, including many pastors, are unaware of the SPEED at which they pray. Some whip through the Praises. Some whip through it all!   At a church where I attended as a “pastor in the pew” every Sunday the Senior Pastor would lead us on a nice & slow pastoral prayer, then WHIP THROUGH the Lord’s Prayer. He was like a horse headed to the barn. You could actually hear him AHEAD of the congregation pulling us through the Lord’s Prayer.  The problem: he had put us all in a mello mood during the prayer, then he got prefunctory with the Lord’s Prayer and sped up.   Word to the pastor…. step back from the microphone after you start the Lord’s Prayer. Let the congregation lead it.

9.  ________________ This one is left open for your struggle and solution.

<>< Neil

See my article about, Tips on Teaching Children to Pray and Using Software to Teach Children to Pray

www.sundaysoftware.com/lessons/prayer.htm

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Other than the snappy title, what caught my attention was that it came from the pastor of www.LifeChurch.tv …an online church that they say occasionally meets around the country/globe. I first ran across them when I downloaded their free “youversion” Bible for my iphone.  It’s not my favorite free iphone Bible app (none really are at this point.)

The concept of “online church” seems oxymoronic. But then, so does “offline church” !   And by “off line” I mean a church which seems disconnected from its community, social issues, and the members from each other, –only to “pretend connectedness” on Sunday.  As a pastor now serving from the pew, I’ve been in congregations which are more OFFline than ON. They are more “apart” than together. This is both literally true of all, and figuratively true of most!

EDGY PERSPECTIVE: One of the “conceits” of the church is that they believe they are the center of their members’ lives, and don’t make coming to church a priority all the time. As a former staff person, this is often what all our efforts were about… GETTING people to church, as if being there and building faith, and acting faithfully were all the same thing.

I spent too much time preparing people to COME, and not enough time preparing them  to GO.

Too much program connectedness and not enough personal connectedness. 

( I’ve posted more about this elsewhere in this blog, so BACK TO THE BOOK! )

Here’s a short listing of the author’s definition of “Christian athiest”.  They are also his chapter titles.

• You believe in God …but don’t really know him
• You believe in God …but aren’t really sure he loves you
• You believe in God …but not in prayer
• You believe in God …but don’t think he’s fair
• You believe in God …but don’t forgive
• You believe in God …but don’t think you can change
• You believe in God …but still worry all the time
• You believe in God …but pursue happiness at any cost
• You believe in God …but trust more in money
• You believe in God …but don’t share your faith

Pretty damning, if you ask me. But the cool thing about this list, and about the book, is that we know some of the solutions.  These are messages and ideas we’ve been hearing/preaching for years, which the author gives an engaging new spin to.

To his list I would add:

You believe in God, and Go to Church, but….

• don’t read your bible
• don’t invite your friends about your church
• don’t try to establish friendships with church members OUTSIDE the church building
• don’t expect more from your church
• sit back and keep quiet rather than step forward to help

What would you add?

Check out my software!  www.sundaysoftware.com

After some recent SLUGGISH BEHAVIOR on my 2 year old laptop, I downloaded the latest free version of Windows Cleanup from Microsoft and BY GOSH IT WORKED. Got rid of all sorts of leftover files, orphaned programs, clutter, and things I wasn’t using anymore. It freed up and re-arranged my hard disk space so it would operate more efficiently. Wouldn’t it be nice to have such a program for your church?   There’s your parable in brief. 

One of the biggest RESOURCE HOGS are programs that think they need to startup everytime you turn on your computer, or turn on your browser.  These programs scream for attention, –even if they are low priority.  Sometimes they are called “plug-ins” …and all they do is TAKE UP WORKING MEMORY, and SAP OPERATING POWER.  The Windows cleanup program and ‘uninstall’ feature work wonders on such programs.  Your church have any programs or program leaders like that?  More parable.

A lot of these resource hogs are “running in the background” -as they say in Windows. Press Ctrl-Alt-Delete on your keyboard to bring up your Task Manager and you will see tabs for “Applications” and “Processes”  …all running and sucking power and attention away from your processor. Some are essential. Some are optional. And some just need to be stopped.  (They are like the “phantom power” problem we have at home with all our powercords.) 

Who’s doing Task Managing in the church? 
Where’s our “uninstall” button?

One of the biggest SLOW DOWNS on your computer is your “Windows Registry”.  This is a filing cabinet of bureaucratic protocols for nearly every program and configuration on your computer. And every time you start up your computer, Windows has to load the registry. Over time, your registry gets bloated with all sorts of meaningless and fanciful information, and this starts to slow Windows down.  More parable!  (Aside: Bloated registry kind of reminds me of the church’s annual report. “The did-little committee did a lot this year.” hahaha)

If you have ears, you get my drift.

For the slightly deaf:  The church has a lot of resource hogging, registry bloating, phantom power issues.  …me too.

Some “Cleanup” is required. 
But what kind of cleanup?  
Based on a personal experience which I’m about to share, …even the KIND of cleanup needs to be considered.

Here’s the Confession:

Many years ago they did a “time study” of the staff at a church where I served as an Associate Pastor. It was done pro-bono by a professional management consultant (which should have raised a red flag right there!    They decided I was “working at 140% capacity.”  So what did they do? 

-Teach me how to be more efficient?   No.  
-Help me prioritize my work?   No. 
-Decide that some of what I was doing wasn’t really needed?   No. 
=Help me delegate some of my responsibilities to volunteers?    Hahaha.

No, instead they hired another minister and gave him some of my responsibilities. I was SO happy!  …and immediately proceeded to fill my new found “extra time” with new things related to the remainder of my job description.  In computer parlance, they uninstalled some programs so I could install new ones. “One devil for another.”

THE MISTAKE they (and I) made was that they looked at HOW MUCH I was doing,

———and not at all WHAT or HOW I was doing it,

……………….or IF I should be doing it at all.

Looking back…. one of the quickest and most profound changes they (I) should have implemented, was to simply say, “you will spend X amount of time every week outside the church office calling upon individuals and families.”  I did do calling, but only when time permitted, or when people were sick.  They wanted me to continue to focus on our rather successful programs.  Yet now I realize that their definition of “success” (and mine) was skewed. Even as successful as we were in that church (we grew by 30% during my time there and doubled our budget), I was still only really actively ministering to half the parishoners in my areas of responsibility, and it wasn’t as nearly relational and personal as I now believe it should have been.

Secret(?) 
Most ministers do not like calling on parishoners. It goes against our sense of privacy to “cold call” people, …walk into their homes and ask questions about their life. Rather, most ministers WAIT for parishoners to come to them. Or, we create programs, such as Bible studies, where the faithful few expect questions and want to share. The problem is that those programs don’t attract or provide pastoral contact to most of our parishoners.  Now that I’m back on the “pew side” of things (no longer actively serving as “the” minister in a church) I am reminded that most of us yearn for ministers -and other people we look up to, –to take us seriously, to inquire about our life and hopes and dreams and concerns. …To get beyond the chit-chat. 

Since those days, I’ve reinvented my personal beliefs about many things in the church.  And this blog has many of those ideas.

In youth ministry, for example,  –If I were starting over I’d make my youth ministry more relational and much less “programmatic.”  You can read about my experiments with a different kind of youth ministry at http://www.sundaysoftware.com/articles/tribe13/    You can also see my research into the “church attendance” issue and suggestions for children/youth at http://sundayresources.net/neil/2010/11/15/the-positive-effect-of-even-some-attendance/

Conclusion: 

Church Clean Up is a great idea…  Getting rid of Resource Hogs, Prioritizing, Reorganizing.

But perhaps its time to also change many of our Operating System & Assumptions about what we think we’re supposed to be DOING in the first place.

<>< Neil

We have a wonderful clipart CD for churches. Check it out at http://sundaysoftware.com/clickart

Which raises the thoughts in my mind:

How and When do we “scan” the church for things that are wrong?  …before the problems get worse?

What kind of anti-virus or malware “software” do we have in place to do EARLY detection of potential problems in committees, attendance, programs, and staff members?

Opinion: Too often, “malware” protection is left to the very people who are part of the problem.

The chair of a former church’s personnel committee once came to me asking me for advice about what she thought was wrong in the church. I was a minister-in-the-pew but not on staff. She detected the problems, -which I agreed with, but she felt powerless to remove them, in part, because others didn’t want to stir the pot.  And she was the chair of the committee!

One of the “removal” tools she didn’t realize she had was the option to meet in “executive session” where the pastor/staff was not present –and would allow commiteeand they could then speak more freely. She didn’t want to offend the pastor. Indeed, she didn’t realize that the Personnel Committee had that power or option.

In his bestselling book “Blink”, author Malcolm Gladwell looks into some of therecent research into “how we make decisions”. One of his chapters deals with how people choose mates and what makes a relationship go south. The researchers found that “contempt” is the #1 marker for a marriage that is statistically doomed to failure.  Anger and other problems are markers too, but when one partner begins to hold the other in contempt, good luck. I’ve seen and experienced this in pastoral, staff and key leader relationships as well.

Where does it all get started?  …with Trojan Horses

A “Trojan” is a malicious software program that appears innocously- but eventually spells big trouble. And it’s often an ENTREE for other problems to follow. In fact, Trojans help download all sorts of other problems. In addiction, you might call them “gateway drugs.” 

In church terms, a “trojan” might be any of the following:

• modestly bad behavior on the part of some staff
• a failed program (which people are afraid to kill, or address)
• a festering disagreement or dislike among staff or leaders
• leaders who don’t seem to be addressing fundamental issues, such as membership slide
• financial mis-management
• active members going inactive or slipping away
• the pastor/leaders stocking leadership positions with their friends

Each of these is a “trojan” that can lead to bigger problems.

How to Scan for Trojans…

Nobody likes to deal with problems, and in many churches, the “scanning” is often left to those who have a vested interest in NOT reporting problems (ie, the staff/leaders and their friends).

In many big businesses, the role of “scanner” is assigned to an independent leader, sometimes to an “ombudsman”, …someone who’s job is to not drink the koolaid, but to actively listen, respond, and report.

This person’s job is to report to all the leaders, and not through the “CEO” (ie, the pastor) –because the leader is sometimes part of the problem.

One of the most critical places that pastors exert their control, for better or worse, is through the nominating committee and council assignments. To achieve REAL SCANNING, the scanner has to be independent of the pastor,  and their reports have to be discussed.

Look for things that aren’t right, but also look for “markers” of something you may have been missing, such as contempt.

Left undetected, or unaddressed, small problems turn into big ones on the computer and in the church. Word to the wise.

Neil:  “Because that’s where an increasing number of your members are –everyday.”

Pastor Friend: “Our kids maybe, but our adults? It just seems so vapid, a colossal waste of time.”

Neil:  “Sigh….”

National Public Radio just released the results of their survey of their on “fans” who follow NPR on Facebook. (Yes, NPR has a Facebook page).  1 million people follow NPR’s Facebook page. 40,000 NPR fans responded to the survey.

Here’s what NPR’s “low-brow” crowd looks like:

NPR’s fans are Facebook regulars. Almost all respondents –96%– access Facebook at least once per day, and 80% access it more than once a day. According to Facebook, 50% of its users in general are using the service on any given day.

79% of the respondents were between the ages of 25 to 54.  69% were women.

 They’re regular consumers of NPR content, especially via broadcast. About three of every four respondents (76%) listen to NPR on the radio. The majority of respondents – 55% – listen to between one and three hours of NPR on air each day.

You can read NPR’s  full report at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128928306&sc=fb&cc=fp

To read my article about Why Pastors/Churches should take Facebook seriously, go to http://sundayresources.net/neil/2009/06/27/facebook-the-f…be-on-facebook

Check out my software!  www.sundaysoftware.com

A really nice order came in from an old customer during our company’s “annual sales drought”. Most businesses have slow periods, but these days they can be scary slow. I called to say “thank you” and the customer said, “well normally we would have waited to order, but figured you could use it now.“  The dollar amount was nice, but the sense of support was priceless.

A business friend emailed recently, ”just checking in…wondering how you were doing“.  Luke has always been good at making phonecalls and emailing his business contacts. When I called him back, he said that he’s been spending a lot more time on the phone than ever before just listening.

One of our long-time suppliers called last month. “Can I send you some CDs at an extra discount and have you pay upfront? It would help me make payroll this week.“  We didn’t need the extra stock, but I placed the order.   

I’m sure you have many of your own stories to share, and I would encourage you to do so. But it’s also important that we each DO something to help our friends and business acquaintances in these days. Not only can specific supportive acts be encouraging, they can be a witness.

Here’s a beginning list of things you can do right now to help minister during a recession. Some of them are for the church, or pastor, or maybe just for you.

• Post a “jobs” board at your church with two sections:  “I’m Available to,” and “Help Wanted.” At every meeting and worship service, remind people to use the board. Put a marker and pad of paper on it to make it easier for folks to post. Offer your phonenumber as a go-between for those who don’t want it broadcast that they’re seeking work.
• Do lunches with business people in your congregation. Listen.
• Take extra care to notice slips in worship attendance. Depression makes people not want to go out.
• Organize a dinner for business people in your congregation with experts in the field of  “interviewing for a new job”. Organize a potluck with an expert in mortgage refinancing and managing 401ks.
• Patronize church member businesses and local businesses that seem to be struggling.
• Buy a couple of movie passes for a young family that’s struggling.
• If there are odd jobs around the church which you would normally pay for, offer them to members who are struggling (including teens who are faced with a bad job market as well).
• In your own business… value relationships over product, practice patience.
• Make sure the church is offering no-cost regular FELLOWSHIP events to take pressure off of family budgets and give them a chance to network and feel supported.
• Talk to local job agencies and governmental offices about using the church for their job events and classes. If this type of help doesn’t exist in your area, gather some members and local business people and create it.
• Now is the time for Bible studies about money, and seminars about faithful financial planning. There are numerous resources for such. 
• Avoid conspicuous consumption in the church. This is not the time for your dream mission trip, or big capital project, or higher registration fees, …even if many in your church have been relatively untouched by the recession. Even symbolic budget cuts or redirecting funds to help those seeking work (and groceries) can speak volumes to those who are hurting in your congregation.

So often the Church is focused only on its own needs, …worship and program. But this is a time for ministers, members, and churches to become more relevant to the personal needs of their members.

Yes, I’m getting older, but “THEY” are also making things harder to see and find!

I have a beautiful 17″ laptop with a high resolution screen, –but darnit if I can’t regularly find my MOUSE POINTER on that screen!!!  Doesn’t help that I usually have 5 windows open at the same time.

“Duh” Simple Solution:

Set the Windows Mouse Pointer to “large”.  (No, it won’t be quite as big as my ridiculous graphic here!)

Open the Windows Control Panel in XP/Vista/Windows 7 and double-click “Mouse”. Then change the pointer mouse ”scheme” to LARGE.  Makes the mouse pointer about 20% bigger, and makes me feel about 20% younger.

Now let me also admit one of my favorite Internet Explorer Features:  the ZOOM option. I regularly toggle my web browser to 125% zoom. It helps on many sites which have been designed with ridiculously small fonts and faint pastel color schemes.  Internet Explorer 8 makes it easy…  I just have to click the lower right zoom icon to quickly make the change.

As you get older, you either…

a) Lose your sense of dignity
b) Redefine what’s “cool”

I have finally decided to “redefine what’s cool” and get a rope for my reading glasses, …even though my wife and kids think it makes me look like a geezer.  Why? Because there’s nothing worse than forgetting where you left your reading glasses, and desperately needing them.

Note to Young Pastors and Young Church Secretaries…  No fine print in the bulletin and newsletters, please. It just makes us annoyed with you, …and jealous.

Speaking of “forgetting”… NPR recently featured the author of “The Secret Life of the Grown Up Brain“.  Apparently the latest research says YES, we get more forgetful in middle age, but that our brains are MUCH better than younger brains at certain “higher” functions, like reasoning. Can’t wait to tell my kids. 

The researcher offered some GOOD ADVICE ABOUT REMEMBERING NAMES …something I’m increasingly not good at.  First, she said the problem as we get older is that we don’t process things into memory as quickly as we once did, we need an extra second. So when you hear a person’s name, you need to pause on it before continuing your conversation.

Second, she said that the BEST way to remember a name was to associate an image or sound with it. So next time you meet “Bob” …think “Bob the Builder” or “Bob Bob Bobbity Bob.”  (you don’t say that out loud!)   For some reason, the middle age brain loves those kinds of associations and retrieves them more quickly.

Read the story at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125902095&ft=1&f=13

—————-

And Speaking of “BIG”…   my good friend Mike owns a print shop here on St. Croix, and specializes in MAKING BIG PRINTS of just about anything. Check out his Large Format Printing website at www.largeformatprinting.vi  Mike can turn your photos and documents into posters and banners and ship it to you cheap.  His state-of-the-art large format color printer makes it look great.  Tell him, “Neil sent me and said you’d give me a discount.”

I’ve been leading youth groups in one way or another for over 30 years. Started when I was 17 helping out with the Jr. High group in my church.

For many years, I thought I knew what I was doing, –mostly because I was doing what most OTHER youth pastors were doing, …and what the hippy-dippy youth seminars told me to do. Had the great attendance, did cool stuff, taught the Bible studies, did the mission trips, took the long walks, had the long talks,  had a lot of fun.  Stoopid me.

One of the good things about getting older is you get to see “how things turn out.” I now have former youth group members RECONNECTING with me through the internet and the blessing of FACEBOOK.  ….It has been wonderful, …and a humbling eye-opener.

Down below I tell the stories of two kids from my former youth groups.

One of things that TIME has taught me is that FAR TOO MANY kids who came up through the church have grown away from the church. Those who have contacted me often bring it up. They apologize and make promises. And I’ve met many other “old” youth pastors who have similar stories.

If you are young and reading this, you’re probably thinking, “What did HE do wrong? He must have done something wrong!”

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it assumes that the youth minister is the difference maker in most of our kids’ lives.  Many young youth leaders and pastors believe that, “all I have to do is X, Y, Z and most of my youth group kids will grow up strong in faith and connected to the church.” Indeed, many young youth pastors believe that they can ‘save’ or ‘bind’ a kid to Christ and the church BY THE FORCE OF THEIR OWN CHARISMATIC PERSONALITY and awesome programming.    Sorry to say, it doesn’t work that way.

Back in the day….I was one of those young “somewhat charismatic”  youth pastors who could get the kids to turn out. Taught great lessons, told the compelling stories, challenged them with the Word, played all the games, did the mission trips, held the hands, dragged them to the soup kitchens, etc. etc, … the kids loved me and I loved them. But the years have taught me that, while that approach seemed to “work” at the time, makes YOU look good at your job, and certainly makes the church and parents and kids happy,  it’s wasn’t, and isn’t enough.

Long-term it’s only PART of what we should have been doing.  I have come to believe that the only measuring stick for “success” is WHERE those kids ARE 10 or 20 years later in their faith and church life.

I don’t have a program to sell you, but I do tell young youth pastors that the BEST thing they can do is not “youth programming” …but “family ministry.” The dynamics of family –the relationship between parent and child and siblings and the faith that can be nurtured there (or crushed)  is a FAR MORE POWERFUL FORCE than your Sunday meetings, game nights, awesome lesson talks, campfire sing-a-longs, soup-kitchen visits, and “walk & talks” in the woods.

Okay…it’s not either or. I’m just saying, “re-balance” and don’t make the same mistake most youth pastors have made over the past 40 years. ‘

Youth ministry which does not have as its goal LASTING faith and participation in the life of a congregation, is not only wrong, it’s an exercise in the leader’s VANITY.

Of course, the question is, “what makes for lasting faith and participation?” Over the years, several studies have come out which lean heavily towards family ministry, and personal individual mentorship/evangelism, –not Sunday night meetings. After a couple of stories, I’m going to parse this out a little more below. But I’ve also quoted the research and written about it elsewhere (beginning at www.sundaysoftware.com/stats.htm).

I want to share the stories of  three of my former youth group kids to illustrate the importance of what this “old” youth minister has figured out…

“Jean” reconnected with me last year over the internet. She had been active in a former youth group I had led for many years back in the early 90′s. I remembered Jean as a sweetie, –polite, quiet, smiling Jean. Her parents were active in the church. Indeed, I thought she had a great home life. But in fact, Jean says her youth was troubled, her father distant, her mother overbearing, and she wandered for 10-12 years after leaving home at the age of 18 (a year after I left that congregation).   I never knew ANY of this backstory until she told me this past year. She finally married a Christian man whom she says “saved her life.”  Her parents are still distant.

Jean told me I had a great impact on her young life –which was wonderful to hear and a bit surprising. She thanked me for the messages I shared with her, for my spirit. Problem was, I never knew her well enough to see the signs of trouble.  I was too busy doing all the hundred things youth ministers do –dealing with all the kids and events and leaders. I was too busy and distracted by other kids with more “obvious” need –to get close enough to Jean and discover what was going on behind her smiling face.   Yet in retrospect, I remember there was a sense of nervousness about her, which at the time I assumed was run-of-the-mill teenage angst. Stoopid me.

- – - – - – - –

Anne was a star student athlete, a state running champ, and regular Sunday morning worship attender. For years I tried to get her to come to Sunday School and Sunday night meetings.  She and I were always friendly with each other, but eventually I could see that  her AVOIDING me on Sunday mornings as she came in for worship with her folks. One Sunday afternoon I called her to invite her to attend that night’s meeting, and she got choked up, almost crying as she apologized for not being able to come. I got off the phone and realized what a jerk I had been.  From there on in, I decided never to “recruit” her again, but rather, to ask about her life, and take an interest in what she was doing.

She went off to college the next year, and came to worship at every break. A year after she graduated from college, her mother told me one Sunday, “Anne is getting married.”  Two years after that, Anne came to have her baby baptized and was back worshipping on a nearly weekly basis with her folks. A few years after I left for another position, I noticed Anne’s name in their newsletter as a newly elected Deacon.

- – - – - – - –

I had “Bob” in my Sunday School classes and children’s groups for several years. He was an awesome kid, well-liked, funny, and came to everything we did at the church.  He was a believer, and came of his own accord. By the time he was in the 10th grade, stories about Bob’s drinking and “recreational” drug use were becoming well known. He was open about it with me, and expressed tremendous regret. I had counseled kids with such problems before, and did so with Bob. The family received counseling, but I could see the anger Bob lived with underneath his joking extroverted exterior.  And so could most of his friends.

What I didn’t know, until it was too late, was that his parents were more messed up than Bob. A mess which ended in divorce and sent Bob over the edge the same year I left that congregation for another position. Bob’s sister and youth group friends tried to help him, and occasionally kept me informed.  But 4 years later I got the phonecall. Bob had overdosed, choked on his own vomit, and was dead.

I realize that nothing I did, or could have done, may have changed the outcome, but once again, I realize that my traditional “successful” style of youth ministry hadn’t left time to go deeper with a kid like Bob and Jean. It didn’t leave time to “seek and save the lost” in a way that might have made a difference. The hard part is that I will never know.  But I did change the way I did youth ministry in my next opportunity. Read on…

Eventually, the youth pastor/worker leaves, and if you were good, it’s really hard on the kids.  I was told by Bob’s sister and Jean herself, and many other kids in that church, that “my leaving” hit many of those kids hard. They missed me.  “It was never the same afterwards,” they said. It was like they went into mourning. I saw the other side of this in one church where I came in as ”the new guy.” The older kids spent a year avoiding me.

That’s the dirty downside of great youth ministry… the inevitable “leaving”. You HOPE the church will find someone to fill your shoes, but that’s impossible, no matter how good “that” person is. With kids and youth, it takes years to build that trust and relationship. And by the time “the new person” is no longer “the new person” –many kids are lost to the youth group, moved on to other things, or graduated and gone off to college.

Read this previous paragraph again. This is why I believe the “best” youth ministry is family ministry. YOU the youth pastor won’t be there forever. You the awesome youth minister don’t spend a tenth of the time with your kids that their parents and siblings do. Traditional youth ministry tries to get peers to care for each other, and that’s good, but peers change, and come college-time, none of the peers you worked with are there for each other.  We need to teach kids and parents and siblings how to love and minister to each other (and in the case of Anne, celebrate it).

It’s the siblings and parents (for better or worse) who will ”BE THERE” over the years. NOT US.

We also need to conduct a youth ministry that gets behind the fascades which kids and parents present…. to identify the family dynamics and danger signs and have the time to respond. As much as Jean and Bob loved me, hung around me, and liked my teaching, they needed more than great meetings, mission trips and walk & talks in the woods.

We also need to do a MUCH better job of preparing our youth for young-adult and adult life. We need to prepare them for “picking spouses” and “how their relationships can and will change with their parents and siblings” as they get older. I think we spend too much time in youth ministry on “being a teenager.”  We spend too much time worrying about premarital sex, and not enough on how to pick the right spouse, how to have a healthy relationship with a signficant other.

We also need to integrate youth  into the normal life of congregation, instead of separating them. Eventually we want them to join a congregation wherever they land after High School.  But many find the “adult” church to be a foreign land because we kept them away from it for many years. (This is why I absolutely HATE the idea of Sunday School during worship time.)   The problem is that they are comparing every congregation to their happy-crazy youth group experience and youth worship experience and youth pastor experience.  And most churches fall short of that.  We do them a disservice by not doing family ministry,  and by sequestering them in the make-believe world of youth ministry.

I can’t tell you how many former members of my youth groups cite this as a problem…. they “never found a group or church as good as our youth group.”  They “never found a minister like you, ____ (the youth pastor).   And so they end up going nowhere.

And we need to recognize, celebrate and connect with the youth who DO NOT fit into our “Sunday night” program. Some of them are lost and need us not to be their “leader” but their pastor. And like Anne, some of them are quite found!  …and don’t need us sending the wrong message.

If you’ve read this far and feel my concern about youth ministry, read my article about the TRIBE13 Experiment.

Tribe13 was a new kind of children’s and youth group experience that I helped create –in response to a lot of my concerns and experiences.  It was moving in the direction which Jean and Bob could have really benefitted from -had I been smart enough to implement it so many years ago for them.  http://www.sundaysoftware.com/articles/tribe13/tribe13.htm

You may also enoy my other articles about the State of Children’s and Youth Ministry, and what to do about it!  You can find a menu to those articles here.

Let those who have ears, hear.

<>< Neil

Advertisement:

Software is great for Sunday School!   ...and its something that young adults love too.

(I even designed a piece of software called Name Badger that helps churches provide nametags on-demand to walk-up users so that we could help people REMEMBER names at church. And a lot of our software is great for reviewing previously taught content. My money is where my mouth is.)

Several months ago I read the book “BRAIN RULES” …a summary of the latest research and it’s implications for teachers. I summarized that book and its implications for Sunday School teachers over at http://www.sundaysoftware.com/resources/research.htm  Read it!

Continuing on the subject….  I recently wrote the following short article about the IMPORTANCE of REVIEWING  PREVIOUSLY TAUGHT LESSONS in Sunday School. That article appeared in my Sunday Software Email Newsletter  (www.sundaysoftware.com/subscribe.htm) and has a lot of LESSON EXAMPLES for how to review over the short-term and long-term in the classroom. Those examples are listed below, and I’ve preserved that article below as well.

This version of that email news article has expanded comments for preachers.

 The expanded “preachers” content is in PURPLE.

5.  ARTICLE:  The Tremendous Importance of Reviewing Previously Taught Content

“Teachers who don’t review previously taught content with their students -might as well toss their lessons out the window.” 

It’s that simple and that important.

Preaching is Teaching. Thus the corollary: “Preachers who don’t review previously preached content….might as well not preach.”

The latest brain research into memory formation, -and the continuing classroom experience, makes it abundantly clear:

In order to build strong LONG TERM memories, we must:If you aren’t doing these three things, you are not teaching. You’re just taking up time.

Same goes for preachers.
You spend a lot of time crafting your sermons, so craft them for maximum impact on your listener’s memories.

Most people can tell you the TASTE a sermon leaves in their mouth (mind), rather than remember a lot of the specific content. They’ll tell you “it was good” but if you press them for details, they will have trouble telling you details, -except for the story you told, or the dramatic way you did something, or your ending. And yet, most preachers believe their DETAILS are important. 

 

 The Brain Research tells us how we can get our content remembered:

a. teach content in an impressive and concise way
b. follow up with review in the short-term
c. come back to that same content over the long-term

Impressive = memorable, concise, interactive, multimedia rich, multiple learning styles informed, and emotionally engaging.
The brain is wired to impress content into memory in a variety of ways.
Talking is one of the least impressive modes of teaching/learning (followed closely by reading!)

Problem:
Preaching is largely a “talking” medium, so it has a hurdle to clear. 

Suggestions:

Tell stories, rather than pontificate. Stories are multimedia gems. The brain loves them.

Be aware that they’ll mostly remember the LAST part of your sermon more than the first. Yet many preachers start strong but finish weak. 

Craft your language.  The ear and memory loves to hear content that’s poetic, alliterative, and pithy. This is one of the reasons many of us enjoy listening to “how” black preachers preacher (if not their content). It has a beat and cadence that’s appealing, and their words are often dramatically crafted for maximum EAR APPEAL.  Speech writers call this “punching up” the speech.

When I write a sermon, I will typically GO BACK after it’s written, and punch-up the language, while paring-down the actual number of words and sentences.

Move!  The eye is built to track whatever moves. Moving focuses the mind on what’s moving. It makes us better listeners.

Get over it and start using Visuals.  Stories are visuals. Words can be visual, but PICTURES are also visuals. Even writing and drawing on a board helps. (Time Magazine recently highlighted Willow Creek’s Bill Hybels preaching style of writing key ideas on whiteboards during the sermon. This is a smart visual aid that reinforces memory.)

Add Emotional Content.  The brain LOVES emotional content and stores it more deeply. Poignancy is crucial, as is YOUR emotional tenor during your delivery. A flat delivery will create flat memories. This is why poignant and personal stories are effective.

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Short-term Review = at the end of the lesson, before the day is out, and at the beginning of the following week’s lesson. Teachers who don’t summarize at the end of their lessons because they have too much left to do, are doing less than they think!.

Other important short-term opportunities: Take-home content, parents asking about lessons, a pastor referencing content in their childrens sermons and liturgy, referencing of content at mid-week program.

Review during your sermon!   Many preachers preach in a stream of consciousness style… getting to a destination or point. But the brain research says that we need to GO BACK to previously preached/taught content to stimulate longer-term memory. Thus, each part of your sermon should reference its previous parts, and at the end of the sermon it would be wise to reiterate the previous parts/stories/points of your sermon. This will trigger the brain to move those memories into longer-term storage.

Review parts of your sermon in other places in the liturgy. Reference ideas in the responses, in the prayers (don’t re-preach! …rather, “impress.”) This will trigger the brain’s memory process to store the content in longer-term storage. 

Shorten and “RESET” your sermons. 25 minutes is too long. The research says that most brains “fatigue” after 10 minutes, and need “reset.” Thus, you should create sermons that have distinct movements or units. 

A brain ”reset” is a cognitive, visual, and auditory BREAK.  It’s an intermission. It allows the brain to compartementalize content. It could be as simple as walking out of the pulpit to tell a new story, or switch to a new point.  The author of Brain Rules books is a teaching professor. He says that you have to RESET the listener’s brain about every 8 to 10 minutes. If you don’t, they wander, and your content gets fuzzy.

——————————————————————————-

Long-term Review = Quarterly and Annual “reviews”. The brain is wired to store memories more vibrantly into long-term storage IF the memories are refreshed and reinvigorated. A “talking head” review isn’t an invigorating review as far as the memory is concerned.

“Forcing” recall, –causing students to search their memories, rather than spoon feeding them the information, helps the long-term storage process. Thus, season ending “gameshows” and computer quizzes are a great idea.

Use other venues and time slots to go back over previously taught content, such as, mid-week Fellowship groups, childrens sermons, childrens worship –all of which can be used to schedule the reinforcement of key content. Also… repetition of key stories/content in the curriculum. For example, the Exodus story deserves to be taught more than once every 5 or 6 years.

REFERENCE PREVIOUS SERMONS. When you say, ”last week I told the story of the boy who…” – you are forcing their recall —which triggers the brain to put those memories into deeper storage. 

This is also why “sermons excerpts” should be printed in newsletters (and not necessarily the whole sermon everytime).

Why do many lesson plans and curriculums IGNORE the importance of review and quizzing?
In part because curriculum publishers want us to chew through lessons. In part because there is a lack of understanding of how memories are formed. And in part because “review” often consists of a talking head asking boring questions which students don’t want to respond to.

——————————————————————————-

 

REVIEW IS NOT BORING ON THE COMPUTER!

Quizzing & review was one of the very first things I realized the computer was great at when I first started teaching with software back in the early 90′s .

This insight continues to influence my software design. It’s why programs like Elijah & Jonah CD, and Jesus in Space, and Awesome Bible Stories are FULL of little mini-quizzes and quiz-like games.

It’s also why I continue to like 3-D style games like Exodus and Joseph… because kids will GLADLY play them again and again and again.

[Aside: Now you know why I'm a huge advocate of the Rotation model for Sunday School, ---teaching the same story several weeks in a row through different media each week.]

 

Sometimes teachers will say to me, “I don’t have time to get through everything on your CD.” And I tell them, “well, that’s kind of the point!” We have put quizzes and game-like quizzes in there for teachers to getBACK TO at a LATER time.

It’s really one of the secrets of understanding most of our “Sunday Software-made” programs. I’ve put in more than you can use in one setting, not merely to give you choices, but to give you ‘extra’ to use at a later time. And I’ve given you activities and games with “sneaky content” which they are MORE than willing to “play again.”

For example:  the Sumo Wrestling Game in Awesome Bible Stories’ Jacob & Esau story. The kids would play that every week if you let them, but they can’t advance without correctly answering questions about the story.

For example: the mini-arcade games in Elijah’s CD.

For example: The Whammo Labs Seder Plate game in Jesus in Space CD.

For example: The matching quizzes built into the “Professor’s bookshelf” in Life of Christ CD.

One week after playing the Jonah story in our Elijah & Jonah CD, start next week’s lesson by saying, “Before we start today’s lesson, I want you to take the FIRST 5 minutes of classtime and play the Jonah “Story Order” game.

Then, about 8 weeks out, make your computer lab lesson a QUIZ DAY. Write about 35 multiple choice questions about Jonah and all your other lessons you have recently taught, and type them into the Fall of Jerich CD Question Editor. First one to Jericho gets to see the walls knocked down!

Example #2
One week after studying the parable of the Good Samaritan in our Good Sam CD, have them take the quiz “Who Wants to Be a Samaritan” again that’s found on the CD, –even if you did it last week Tell them “let’s see how much your remember!” They’ll gladly play along About 6 weeks out, in the last 10 minutes of any lesson, turn on Crosswords CD on your computer and have your students complete your “Good Sam crossword puzzle” that you created for them.

Example #3
Four weeks after teaching a unit about Joseph, after you’ve already moved on to other stories, ROLL IN to class with your laptop and a copy of Joseph’s Story CD. The game plays them through the entire story IN SEQUENCE. And with THAT story, remembering the parts of that huge story is critical to understanding its meaning.

Example #4
Every 10 to 12 weeks, hold a “Game Show Event” for your grades. Come up with 50 questions about all your lessons and put them in a Jeopardy format, or edit them together as a question set in Bible Grand Slam CD or Fall of Jericho CD (these are quiz programs in the disguise of games)

Example #5
Edit together a collection of “memorable scripture verses” from your last 6 or 7 lessons and put them into Cal & Marty’s Scripture Memory Game CD for review. Put a chart on the wall and have kids work through the verses in the game to get their name listed on the “Wall of Honor.”

Have each student “sign” the puzzle and include an encouraging note. Have the youth write on the puzzle, “bring this back to me next Sunday and I’ve got a prize for you!” Not only will the younger kids respond, but the older kids will learn the content too! …and gain a sense of leadership.

Example #7
Use OTHER VENUES, such as, children’s sermons, to reinforce previously taught content. If your ch sermons follow up on what you’ve been teaching, your congregation will be impressed with what the kids know.

See what’s on sale this month at www.sundaysoftware.com/sale.htm

Do Pastors and their Congregations start to look like each other? I think so. And obviously, this can become unfortunate!

Most pastors that I know WANT to be leaders, but do NOT want to lay claim to just how much THEIR personality and style influences that of the congregation. Indeed, the congregation DEPENDS on and is led by the pastor’s style and personality, whether they like it or not, for better, and often for worse.

Most pastors want to be thought of as pastoral & spiritual leaders. They don’t want people paying close attention to their personal moods, body language, and tone. But we do! Why? Because it’s the way we humans are built.

It is in the nature of all groups to take their “cue” from their leader. Paul understood this. That’s why he had so much advice for Timothy and called leaders to a higher standard of behavior. Jesus understood it.  Do you or your Pastor get it?

That pastors and congregation start to look alike is no fluke, it’s natural, and scientists have described the BIOLOGICAL FORCES at work: Synchrony and Affinity.

1. Synchrony

Synchrony is the scientific name given to contagious laughter and yawning. Synchrony is when one person’s clapping leads to a room full of applause. Synchrony is when one person’s tears makes another person cry. Synchrony is when we subtley adjust our body position to mimick another. Synchrony is biological. It’s coded in our genes. In fact, it’s a behavior shared throughout the animal kingdom.

Recently, scientists have describe “synchrony” as a form of “empathy.”  It’s a personal type of communication through which we say, “I understand you and I’m with you.”  It’s one of the many ways we connect with one another. The evolution of synchrony throughout the animal kingdom demonstrates that synchrony is a survival behavior as well.  Synchrony is a good thing, especially if you take advantage of it in a good way. A caring & warm pastor will usually rub off on the congregation, as will a dysfunctional one. 

Another way to put this is that congregations “tune” themselves to the pastor’s note.  And if the pastor’s note is dischordant, the congregation will (eventually) likely be as well. (You knew that! And now you know the science behind it.)

2. “Natural Affinity”
(a.k.a. “Birds of a Feather Flock Together”)

Contrary to what your mother told you, opposites do not usually attract. An overwhelming amount of anecdotal and scientific evidence indicates that we feel most comfortable in groups of people like ourselves.  The scientist call this “affinity.” This instinct for affinity is what’s at the root of tribalism, race, where we choose to live, who we choose as our friends, and spouses.

Congregational programming is a good example of this natural desire for affinity:  small group ministries, Sunday School classes, mothers-day out, Al-anon, senior groups, women’s groups, choirs youth groups, young adult groups, etc etc etc.  The problem is when churches and pastors do things that DERAIL affinity groups. Those who have a strong desire for affinity will go elsewhere. Those with a weak desire for filling their “affinity need” through the church, won’t care about church programming that much.

One problem with “affinity” in the church is that if you don’t nurture it, you don’t get it, -and eventually you end up with a congregation full of people with low expectations. Another problem is when the PASTOR has a low need for affinity. I’ve seen this up close and personal in two churches: the pastor act like a wallflower in many settings outside the sanctuary.  This obviously has short-term consequence, but long term as well as the natural instinct for “synchrony” means that a wallflower pastor can often encourage apathetic “wallflowerish” behavior (affinity) within the congregation.  (Almost invariably you hear this being expressed by visitors and members as “is church friendly, or not friendly?”) 

A corollary of “Birds of a Feather” can be seen in the Sunday morning sanctuary where people tend to sit in the same location every Sunday, year after year. We are creatures of habit. And those habits shape us, and comfort us. And churches depend on them, indeed, ENCOURAGE them. Churches depend on the habit of giving, and the habit of getting up on Sunday morning.  The problem comes when give people a reason to BREAK those habits, such as sliding away from church, and they’ll fill naturally the spot vacated by their old habit with a new one. 

I’ve often wondered why the parents of teenagers were the least likely to belong to an “affinity group” or attend fellowship events. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to understand the reason:  the older we get the more likely people are to have established affinities OUTSIDE of the church.  And once our kids were no longer part of an affinity group, the greater the tendency is to become “merely” a worship attender. Part of the church’s response is to pull those middle-aged adults into positions of leadership. We put them on finance and mission committees. Problem is, those are hardly faith-stimulating affinity groups. “If I were starting my ministry over” I would focus on solving the problem of middle-age affinity groups, -and they would function and look different than my young adult group.

Synchrony…Part II

Synchrony is why Jimmy Swaggert cries. It’s why Rod Parsley yells and  jumps around. They understand that emotions are infectious.  But synchrony is how a room full of worshippers can all start to become restless, or ready to jump out of their seats. Synchrony is why even children know to sit still during prayers. They are born with a “group sense.”

Synchrony is how HUMOR in a sermon, or passion, or a compelling story can seem to grab the entire room.  In comedy shows, the comedian often hires a “shill” to help the audience laugh. In some churches, the deacons sit up front and shout “Amen”.

I’m not suggesting you do install shills in the front pew!  …but YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN SHILL, pastor!  Loosen up! Laugh, smile, get giddy, sway, move around, …in other words, quit being a stiff when you’re in front of people,  -and synchrony will help everyone feel more connected.

When Synchrony and Affinity Collide:

Imagine a pastor delivering a sermon in a dull tone and stiff body language.  They “lose the room” as entertainers would say. —And they drive off those who don’t feel an affinity with the pastor, leaving birds behind who don’t mind the pastor’s dull and stiff personae. 

You can actually see this in a lot of churches…  a difficult pastorate creates a faithful remnant that has become acclimated (or at least “apathetic” about) the reality and consequences of the pastor’s style. I once belonged to such a church. It was disheartening. It wasn’t dramatic, but over time, it created a sense of frustration, and some people quiety faded away or left.

Synchrony is infectious, –which can be a powerful force for good, but it can work against a congregation if the infection is apathy or conflict. Apathetic “birds of a feather” will continue to flock together, even as their numbers shrink.

#1 Suggestion:

Pay attention to the pastor’s personality, energy, charimsa, body language, etc, BEFORE you hire them. Talk to as many people as you can who know the pastor but are NOT on their official ‘references’ list.  Go view them in action and quietly talk to members of their congregation.   No, this is not “polite” …but hiring the wrong person is even less polite.

You should also take notice of the pastor’s “demeanor” when they are into their pastorate. People change. Sometimes pastor’s get under great stress or go through depression… just like real people!  But because of their position of leadership and visibility –and the natural forces of synchrony and affinity, the pastor’s problems can affect the entire congregation.

Other Suggestions:

Get Feedback and Evaluate Worship on a regular basis. Seems obvious, but most churches don’t do it. Many Worship Committees are reticent to criticize the pastor’s leadership.  Create a tool that invites anonymous feedback from time to time.

No more “Pastor Fizzler” !  Insist that staff continue to develop their “people and presentation skills.”  There are plenty of seminars, books and “coaches.” Businesses make use of them. Talk to a business teacher at your local school.  Make it part of every staff person’s job description and evaluation.

Hire a “presentation trainer” to help the pastor do a better job of leading worship and teaching. There are many such experts around, check your local college.

Have many leaders.  Don’t have the pastor at center-stage in every event.

Bring in outside preachers from time to time, and not just when the pastor is on vacation. A pastor can learn knew tricks from other preachers.

Experiment with various styles and formats of worship. Bring freshness and creativity to people’s experience as well as your own.

Harness the power of synchrony in worship by being a “worship leader instead of reader.” Look for ways to personally connect through your body language, movement, tone, and position. In the old days, they called this “charisma.”   See my other blog post on this subject at http://sundayresources.net/neil/2008/07/09/the-view-from-the-pew-what-every-pastor-needs-to-know/

Bill Easum, the respected church consultant, once said that churches should hire worship leaders –people who are GOOD at being up front and focused on the experience of worship and not just the message (though of course, the experience is part of the message!), –rather than first hiring a youth pastor. Not every preacher is good at worship “leadership” …building a sense of synchrony and affinity. Gifted worship leaders intuitively understand the needs of synchrony and affinity.

Create more affinity groups within your congregation. They don’t have to be permanent or monthly.  (A church I know of organized a “Men and Their Tools” group. They did some service projects together, and invited local craftsmen to come teach them the finer points of things like plumbing and show off new tools.)

Don’t SQUASH spontaneous synchronous actions, such as, “clapping.”  In some churches clapping is considered “unseemly.”  What a dumb opinion. It also sends the message that how you feel in worship (expressing your joy by clapping) is not welcome.

Hope this helps the discussion wherever you’re at.

7 Tips to Better Children’s Sermons

an article for Children’s Sermon Leaders by (Rev) Neil MacQueen, www.sundaysoftware.com

Thank you for being willing to deliver the children’s sermon at your church. Jesus welcomed children and said their wide-eyed child-like qualities were the gold-standard in the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 19:14). Your participation with them in worship is not only a blessing with lifelong consequences for them, -but can be a blessing to your spiritual journey as well. You’ve probably seen a lot of children’s sermons in your life and already have a sense of what passes for “good.” And you’ve probably winced at a few bad ones over the years too. What’s the difference between “good” and “wince”? I’ve delivered plenty of both! So let me suggest these 7 Tips to Better Children’s Sermons… all of which could be placed under the category of “Children First, Sermon Second.”

1. When you step forward to invite the children, make them feel invited!

Greet them as they come to you. Wait for the late-arriver to sit down. Make eye-contact. This will help YOU settle down too. Introduce yourself, and say things like, “I’m Jacob’s mom” and “Isn’t it fun to be up here on the steps at God’s house.” And smile! …some children have a fear of being in front of others, especially when there’s an unfamiliar adult up there. You’d think this would be obvious, but sometimes the pastor or adult leaders is UNaware of just how intimidating they can appear to a timid child.  Familiarity will help, but so will your body language, and what you’re doing when they come forward. I would often have a prop or papersack with me to make them more interested than afraid.

Sit or Stand? Some people sit down on the steps and let the children come forward, but I recommend staying on your feet AS they come forward -and sitting down later if the content permits. That way you can greet them, and you can step to the side- or bend to your knee if you see a timid one coming up, or begin to tap “helpers” if you’re going to do a demonstration. Each child is different. Some kids will balk at sitting near you if they see you on the steps waiting for them. Others will try to sit in your lap. If I sat down, I would also often get up to do something, and in particular, reach out to the kids who weren’t seated near me. Being primed to be playful and unpredictable is part of what makes the experience memorable. Nobody was ever quite sure what I was going to do, and that created and air of anticipation.

A long time ago a parent told me that her daughter was “scared of the man in the black robe”… which just happened to be me. Didn’t matter if I was standing or sitting. Funny thing was, she was the playmate of one of my kids and knew me well! Fair to assume other kids might have the same misgivings. I solved the problem by paying attention to who seemed a little bit intimidated about coming up front and giving them a little space as they approached. Then I did a number of things to put them at ease, including sweeping my robe’s billowy sleeves over their heads as they walked up, or tossing the end of my stoll at them. I’d often hold one of my story props as they approached which took the focus off me. At times, I would approach them ahead of time while they were with mom and dad and ask them to help me or bring the prop up to me when they came forward.   See #6 below.

“Invitation” goes beyond how you greet them. Invitation is also about the WARMTH of your presence and presentation. Some leaders are so focused on (or nervous about) what to say and do, that they forget to relate to the kids. One simple but effective way to structure this into your sermon is to take the time to ask questions, and then remember to deal tenderly with your response to their answers!  For example, when asking a question -to which a child has eagerly raised their hand but not gotten the ‘right’ answer, don’t just say, “no” and move on to the next hand. Take a moment to affirm the child. After the children’s sermon is over, give out a few high-fives, and make a point to acknowledge them in the cookie line after church.

2. Remember they are children when you speak.

If you use words that have more than 3 syllables or aren’t used in everyday language, then your words probably won’t be understood. If you use “church words,” such as “Grace” or “Forgiveness”, you need to unpack those words -or you might as well not use them. When using church words like “grace” …make sure you define what grace is either by an aside comment, by asking them to tell you, or by making such important words the point of your sermon. If you’re not good at speaking to children at their level, write out your children’s sermon -then force simplify your vocabulary, grammar, and concepts.

Once upon a time, children’s sermons included upper elementary age kids. But in many churches these days, they top out at around 2nd grade, and therefore your presentation must also. The younger they are, -the more you need to simplify your language concepts. See #4 below for more. 

3. Take your time and don’t rush.

If you rush you are wasting their time and yours. And keep it concise. Practice this discipline: write out your children’s sermon and then summarize it in one sentence. I knew a pastor who was so afraid of forgetting his summary sentence that he taped it to the top inside of the paper bag he always brought with him to hold his props. If you can’t summarize your children’s sermon in 15 seconds, then you probably can’t get it right in 3 minutes either. 
 

4. Avoid metaphors and object lessons.

Object lessons are easily identified by their “like” statements, as in, “I brought in this rock today to illustrate the point that God is like a rock in our lives.” The problem is that to a Kindergartner who thinks “concretely” -you have just taught them that God is a hard piece of stone and looks grey. Their minds cannot make the mental leap with you in the short time provided. Instead, use objects for what they are, -and avoid attaching symbolic meaning to them. (Use objects as PROPS to help tell a story. See #6 for more about this.) You can’t completely avoid metaphors (“like” comparisons) so stick to metaphors they understand: “God is like a good parent, a teacher, a coach” -but make sure you explain the metaphors.

A lot of wasted time and missed-opportunity has been disguised as OBTUSE object-lessons and CONVULUTED demonstrations. Some demonstrations are really just fun distractions. I love magic tricks and occasionally used them to illustrate what I thought was the point. “God makes the sin disappear!” But really, all I was demonstrating to the 6 years olds was “The pastor made a coin disappear from his hand, I wonder where it went?” (everybody loves these demonstrations, but they don’t teach the lesson to the younger kids). Use demonstrations sparingly and be sure to focus on “the point of it.”  Make sure the demonstration (or illustration) is focused on the point of the children’s sermon, and not some ancillary or obscure point. And make sure you slow down and explain this point!  (Better yet, tell a story…)

5. Tell stories.

If you want to describe faith or forgiveness, tell a story about it. Stories stick in the brain and the story can continue to teach its meaning after you’re gone. And practically speaking, storytelling grabs their attention quicker, keeps it longer, and it keeps you from groping for what to say next. See #6 and 7 for more about this. And make sure your stories are kid-friendly. Instead of a story about a man who went to work with his briefcase, tell a story about a boy who went to school. Note: you can make up your own stories! But… if the day’s scripture has a story in it, re-tell it.

Avoid stories from books, unless they are an overtly Christian story. Hearing a cute story about how a boy took care of a bunny is not a good illustration for the way God takes care of us. The point of children’s sermons is not to teach good morals, it’s to preach the word of God.

6. Use props in your story!

Props focus their attention. Their eyes will even track the prop as you move it. Props also put the storyteller at ease. But remember, a rock is just a rock to a 5 year old. They can’t quite understand that it is “the weight of sin weighing us down.”

Prop Suggestions: If you’re telling a story about when you were a little boy, bring a ballcap and toy. Involve the kids in your story by assigning roles and distributing props. For example, iIf you’re telling the story of the man let down through the roof, have one of the kids lay down on a blanket and put a bandage around their leg. Assign someone to be Jesus. And when it gets time to “lower” the man through the roof, you grab the blanket by the boy’s head (for safety) and let the kids grab the rest of the blanket and drag him a few feet towards Jesus. If you are telling the story of Moses talking to God on Mt. Sinai, throw a GIANT robe over the smallest girl and have her be Moses. If you’re telling the story of the disciples in the boat, have your oldest child lay down on a pillow you brought (and tell them not to wake up until you specifically ask them to) and during the story cue all the kids to shout “wake up Jesus.” And when it comes time for the waves to crash over the boat, don’t forget to sprinkle a little bit of water out of the squirt bottle you’ve secretly brought.

The secret to many successful storytellers and children’s sermon presenters is their props. Over the months and years, I would vary my delivery, and sometimes bring a big brown bag full of story props, which the kids eagerly awaited. There was a famous series of children’s sermon books called “Brown Bag Children’s Sermons” based on the idea of showing up with a bag of props which you revealed one at a time during the story. That bag sure got the kids attention. One Sunday, we told the story of Jesus and the 10 Lepers pulling 10 Barbie Dolls out of the bag (Ken was Jesus, of course), and made several of the boys hold them much to the giggles and grimmaces of the children. Years later in a Confirmation class, one of my students said it was one of his favorite stories because of that children’s sermon.Speaking of props…. YOU are a prop. Don’t stand or sit there stiff. Be animated. Especially with younger children (but also with all of us) our focus naturally goes to whatever moves. It’s a great way to keep their attention, especially when you’re trying to make your point. Props focus them. Your hands and facial expressions and where you move to will focus them too.

7. Last but certainly not least, make sure your message is God-centered, and not merely teaching some general moral or good piece of advice.

Ask this question about your children’s sermon: what is the Gospel in it? …what is the “good news about God” in it? In my experience watching other pastors and volunteers lead children’s sermons, this GOD-POINT is one of the things they most often leave out, or leave for the last moment of their children’s sermon. It happens because they run out of time, or didn’t think of the ‘point’ ahead of time. Children’s Sermons are not just sermons about “being good.”

HUGE TIP:  One of the ways I’ve “cured” myself of this teaching faux pas is to tell the kids the God-Point FIRST, -right at the beginning of my children’s sermon or Sunday School lesson (try it, it works!). And then reiterate it at the conclusion (and as often as you can during the presentation as well!).

The best way to make SURE that you’re God-centered is to always base your children sermon on one of the scripture readings from the day. This discipline of always basing your children’s sermon on one of the day’s Bible passages will also take the guesswork out of planning “what to teach.”  For more of my thoughts on children and youth ministry, look at my CE articles at www.sundaysoftware.com/articles

Copyright 2007. Updated 2010. Neil MacQueen, www.sundaysoftware.com
All rights reserved. Reprint permission granted for local church and non-profit teacher training use.

 Neil MacQueen is a Presbyterian minister, veteran of “the steps up front,” Children and Youth ministry writer and consultant,
and developer of interactive Bible software for children and youth.

 This article has been updated at www.sundaysoftware.com/articles/chsermon.htm